Jimmy the Boss, Guido, and Little Ray

Pete came to JC and asked, “Lord, how much slack do I cut my brother and let him backstab me over and over? The dude’s pushed my buttons seven times already, ain’t that enough?" JC took a breath and told him, "You ain’t even close, little bro, try it another 500 times. Let me tell you what it’s like, man, if you’re gonna walk this walk. There was a man named Jimmy the Boss and he was out collecting his accounts. Guido had a meeting with the Boss, and he was nervous, because he owed the Boss some serious coin: close to 100 grand, and he couldn’t pay. He’d been ducking him for a while, but now it was crunch-time. He was trying to figure out a way to ask the Boss for a little time, but even then, he knew the debt was too large.
When the Boss showed up, Guido was pretty edgy, because the Boss had some of the other family with him. “Let’s take a little ride,” said one of the Boss’s men, holding open the limo’s door. Guido got in, and as the door shut behind him, the limo took off. There he was, face to face with the Boss, who was preparing to deal with one of his most faithful men in his organization.
“So whatabout the cash, Guido? It’s over a year’s pay for you. Since you can’t pay, you know what I gotta do. It’s strictly business, Guido, it’s not personal.” The Boss ordered cement shoes for Guido, and then to have his family picked up to settle the debt. Guido fell on his knees, kissed the Boss’s ring and begged, “Give me a little more time, Boss, and I’ll pay every dime. You know I’m good for it.”
Jimmy the Boss was soft on Guido, so he told his boys to let him go, and then told Guido. “Fugetaboudit…someday I may need to ask a favor of you.” So Guido split and found Little Ray Smalls, who owed him about fifty bucks. He knocked Little Ray in the knees and said, “Pay up, you loser!” Little Ray fell on the ground, kissed Guido’s hand and begged for mercy, just as Guido had done. But he would not have mercy and ordered his boys to break his fingers until he could pay his debt. When his boys saw what he was doing, they went and ratted Guido out to Jimmy the Boss.
So the Boss had Guido picked up again, and said, “You ain’t right, Guido, I cut you slack because you showed me respect, and this is what you do to Little Ray? The Boss cut Guido off right there and ordered his men to work him over until he paid back all that was due.
That’s how it is, Pete. You ain’t gonna get no slack if you can’t cut your brother no slack."
(Paraphrased, Matthew 18:21-35)

This is a story that centers on three things: forgiveness, mercy, and remembering where we came from. I wonder why Peter came and asked this question of Jesus. What was going on with him? Who had offended him? Or, was it just a hypothetical question? But Jesus went to the heart of the matter quickly, telling Peter, the kingdom of heaven is like this…
The story itself is a paradox. Why, we wonder, does a man who has just been forgiven of a huge debt, turn right around and not show mercy from someone who used the same course of begging for mercy as he did, and for a much smaller amount? Looking at it from the third person, we may even be indignant and judgmental of this servant. Yet, in reality, many times we are guilty of doing this very thing. We tend to want judgment for others and mercy for ourselves.
We forget we were once lost, apart from God, and had to ask forgiveness and mercy. We are offended by the lost people around us, and even worse, our Christian brothers and sisters. It’s been said that the “Army of God” is the only army that regularly shoots its own soldiers. The bickering and backbiting in the church is a disgrace, and it’s no wonder that the world wonders where the hope is. It’s interesting that Peter asked about forgiving a “brother” who offended him.
The principle of “seventy times seven” is not a formula to give us a limit on the number of times someone can offend us before we don’t have to any more. Forgiveness, by its nature means we no longer hold the offense against the offender any longer. So, in a sense, technically, it is as if he had never sinned or offended us. Isn’t that how God handles our sin when we confess and ask for mercy?
I think though, that the master in this story probably was wise enough to not ever trust the servant with such a large account again, and might not have allowed further credit unwisely, unless he was again willing to lose it all. We need to exercise wisdom in forgiveness. Forgiveness does not mean we just blindly trust the offender again, at least not until the offender can rebuild trust. In other words, we may forgive an abuser, but not allow that person back to cause more abuse. That’s another issue.
God’s grace was enough to forgive my sin, as great as it has been. Who am I to hold judgment on another for something less than I did to offend God?

San Diego

I'm off for San Diego for the week, so I may not post until I return. I'm working on a couple of other bible stories to post. I think you'll like them. This is for my family, who don't get to see Izzy all that often. I'm amazed at how quickly she's growing up!

My little angel

Grandpa's girl

Five Loaves of Bread and Two Skinny Fish

JC and His 12 running buddies were hanging out in his old 'hood of Nazareth, and JC had been speaking in the local church. The home boys and local preachers there heckled His teaching, because they just knew him as "Joe's kid"... from the woodshop. They remarked, "We knew that skinny boy growing up, His mama Mary, and His bro's, Jimmy, Josh, Pete, and Judas... and His sisters, don't they all live around here? Where does this Man get off talking like that?” They felt dissed by Him.
But JC said to them, “Man, I get respect everywhere else, just not in my old 'hood.” Because they didn't show him any respect, He didn't do many miracles there... so the boys and He all hoofed it out of there and went on.
Now, JC had just heard that His cousin, Johnny had his head cut off because of the king's daughter. He decided to take off out to the country where it was deserted, but when all the people heard about it, they all followed Him there from the different 'hoods. When JC saw all the crowd, His heart went out to them, and He spent some time praying for those that were sick. As night was approaching, the boys came and said, "Dude, we're way out here and it's getting late, send these fools home so they can get dinner." JC said to them, "Man, this party's just starting up, don't send them back, get them some food." His buddies said, "Man, all we have is like, five loaves of bread and two skinny fish."
JC just rolled His eyes (thinking, "These fools have been with me all this time and they still argue with me...") and said, "Bring it here to me." He told the crowd, "Y'all have a seat, get ready to feast!" He took the bread and the fish, looked up to heaven and blessed the meal. Then He broke up the bread, and gave it to the guys to pass it to the crowd. The party was on! JC just decided to hang out and laugh and talk with everyone, and not preach. Everyone ate, even seconds and thirds, until they were all full. When they were done partying, they all helped to pick up and they collected 12 baskets full of leftovers. It was said there were about 5000 men there, plus the women and children that came with them.
(my paraphrase from Matthew 13 & 14)

I think it's cool that Jesus just hung out with the crowd. I can imagine Him, cutting up and having fun with His followers, just being one of them. There's no mention of a sermon in this story, just compassion, prayer, and healing the sick. I imagine also there was wine to go with the meal, as people get thirsty while eating, so it had to be a heck of a party. I can't imagine a bunch of non-religious people, eating and drinking, just sitting there quietly, especially after many of them had just been healed! And after a few glasses of wine, I know some of those guys started singing and telling jokes.
This story is full of miracles. It's a story of compassion and the intense desire for fellowship Jesus had for those who were willing to follow Him into the countryside. Jesus must have realized this crowd didn't need to hear preaching, they just needed someone among them who spoke their language, recognized their needs, and gave them what they needed. They were tired, sick, and hungry, so He had them rest, He healed them, and He fed them. That's the Jesus I follow, the One who meets every need. That's the real miracle.

How long will you live?

According to this, I'll live to be 87. That means I'll die in 2044, probably around Thanksgiving. My granddaughter will be 43 and my daughter will be 63. I can't tell you how old my wife will be. How about you? Take the quiz.

By the way...I had an uncle that knew the exact time and date he would die... And he was correct. To the minute. How did he know? Scroll down.
























The judge told him.

Politics According to Pauly

I've started another blog, to post my political opinions. I have tried to resist posting them on here, but sometimes, I've just had to write about stuff... I'm going to be reserving this blog mainly for Christian related thoughts and ideas, and the rest of my stuff, especially politics, is going on the other blog.
See me at Politics According to Pauly

More on Home Church

I want to clear up some questions raised by some of the comments, and from some comments made on From the Morning.
First, let me establish my definition of "church:" church happens where 2 or more are gathered in Jesus' name for the purpose of edification and encouragement.
We have been having church in small groups that meet in homes since 1991. While I will admit, there were many things about the institutional church that caused us to leave, and in some cases, with many reservations, the motivation for our meetings is to worship the Lord Jesus and grow in spirit and in truth... not to knock what other ministries are doing. I am not anti-institutional church; neither is our home church. I think that the traditional church, with a pastor, a board of elders, and a building to meet in has its place, and many churches that meet like that are doing great things. It's just not for everyone, and there are many who are more comfortable accepting an invitation to our house on Sunday morning than they would be attending a mainline church service.
That's OK too. We are working hand in hand with many churches and ministries in the community. Since we do not have a building, a paid pastor, and we have very minor overhead, (we pay a secretary and nominal amount monthly for keeping the books, making the calendar, printing, calling, etc.) about 85% of our tithes and offerings go directly into the community and to missions. We are able to support approximately 15 ministries with monthly support, and in most of those cases, our small groups (there are 3 of us in the community that are connected) provide the largest single monthly amounts to these ministries. Please don't take this as boastful, I am merely stating what has been told to us, and it is simply because most church budgets have a lot of overhead to take care of first. Again, not a bad thing, we just saw another opportunity to fill a need that was there.
We have a pastor. We have leadership, and we remain accountable to each other. We also remain connected to the community of churches in our area, supporting the Ministerial alliance, and helping meet needs other churches can't or won't. People have been referred to us for benevolence because another church simply didn't have the funds to meet the need.
So we're not just your garden-variety small bible-study group. We are a functioning, strong, stable and vital part of the ministry to our community. I'd be happy to give more information to anyone who asks, or connect you to someone in your area who might be doing the same thing.
We are the Association of Home Churches, Central Texas.

Home Church - It's What We Do

Our greatest spiritual growth as a couple has occurred in the time since 1991, when we left the institutionalized church. No longer do we meet in a building, to sit in a pew so we can see the back of someone's head, and someone else can see ours. No longer do we just appear on Sunday mornings to exchange pleasant smiles after yelling at our kids to hurry up and get ready, or leaving the family in frustration to come to church in a separate car because I needed to be there to teach a Sunday School class..
No longer do we give our tithes and offerings to support a ministry, an overpaid minister and his staff, building payments, all the overhead so that the church has nothing left for missions and benevolence.
No longer do we stress over countless other weekly meetings for programs that keep the ministry of the church within the four walls of a building... Want to get saved? Can you wait until Sunday's altar call? Want to know God? Come to our Sunday school class....
Nope....we've been meeting in home groups for the last 14 years. When we started, it was almost unheard of (people forgot that Paul's church met in a rented home...see the last chapter of Acts), and we were told by professional ministers about all the "dangers" of home groups without the "covering" of a church and professional pastor.
I can remember one Saturday night, being over at Jim and Cathy's house for our weekly meeting. Another couple who usually joined us had not shown up, so it was just the four of us. We prayed for the other couple, and near the end of the meeting, the man showed up...obviously something was wrong. He told us that he and his wife had been in strife, and that's why they hadn't come together. Then she showed up. The looked like they were pretty beaten up, emotionally, so we prayed for them, we ministered to them, and they reconciled before they went home. I have no doubt that in a traditional church, they would have been completely overlooked, they would have showed up at service with their "Sunday smiles," and would have said they were "fine" had anyone asked. Then they could have gone home after service, their issue still unresolved, and resumed the strife.
I'm not saying that's what always happens, but I can tell you for the first 6 years of my Christian church life, that was pretty much the norm. "Good Christian couples" got divorced and nobody in the church, save maybe the pastor, even knew there was a problem. And in our church, the pastor's wife and some of the elders were part of the problem...but that's another chapter.
Home church, as intimate as it can be, is not perfect, or without its faults. Sometimes we get to be pretty internal also. I am constantly trying to remind us that our ministry is Monday through Saturday and what we do on Sunday is merely a meeting to encourage and help strengthen each other. We're still growing, still learning, and still trying to "get it." This side of heaven, I doubt we ever will.

A Re-post - still as valid today

I am constantly running across bloggers who show no respect for the office of the President of the United States. I was just at a blog where they called President Bush "Boy George." Folks, it's disrespectful, and yes, I know you have the freedom to do so, but I wish you'd take a minute to think about how lucky you are to live in a country like this.
I wish you'd give thought to the fact that liberals are losing elections, the "mainstream" is now conservative, and your intolerance and disrespect for America, its policies, and its leadership is not "patriotic," it's just short of treason. Just my opinion...sorry, this isn't really a "political" blog. I just needed to sound off.

From a Feb 2005 post...

I ran across this blog today. I thought I'd throw in my letter to the stack. One thing gets to me though: am I the only one in America who remembers we don't call the President of the US by his FIRST name? (or "W", or "Bush") What happened to "President Bush"? As much as I disliked the character deficiencies of the former president, I never lost respect for the Office of President, and respectfully referred to him as "President Clinton". Not "Bill", or "Clinton", or "Mr. Clinton", or any other reference other than "President Clinton". And he is still "President Clinton", and if I recall correctly, he keeps that title even after he is no longer in office.

I encourage you to make your voice heard too. Thank God we still have the freedom in this great country to express our views, even if they are dissenting ones. I am amazed, though, at the sheer HATE that comes from the "tolerant and liberal" left.

Even though I hated the things I heard President Clinton did, and disagreed with his policies, I never HATED him, and prayed for him and the Office on a regular basis. I wonder how many liberals can say that? Oh....they wouldn't mix religion with politics....or pray publicly.... or try to force their religion down your throat... (they do though) ... nevermind.... silly idea.

Enough of that. Here's a copy of the letter.

Dear President Bush:
This is a time for our country that we desperately need firm, unwavering leadership and people who are not afraid to do whatever is necessary to maintain our cherished freedom. It is also a time for Americans to support our leadership. With great respect for the office of President of the United States, I give you my support. Thank you for bringing leadership and dignity back to the office. I am a fifth-generation American Veteran who proudly served our country in the Armed Services. My father and his grandfather are both buried at national cemeteries. My grandfather served in the US Navy during WWII. We are of Mexican descent, but we always knew we were Americans first. When I pledged allegiance to our flag, I really meant it. I am proud, as were my ancestors, to be an American. I salute you. You are a great American and it is an honor to call you "Mr. President".
Respectfully,
Paul Tamez
A proud American

Things That Tick Me Off

1. People who use "loosing" instead of "losing." Buy a dictionary. Spell checkers only go so far.
2. People who insist on driving 2 mph under the speed limit in the left lane, and especially when every half mile there is a sign that says in BIG BLOCK LETTERS, "LEFT LANE FOR PASSING ONLY." Learn to read, follow instructions, and get the hell over!
3. Someone who tries to ride my tail after I pass them, just because I have a radar detector and they're too freaking cheap to get their own. That's why I like my Benz. I can shake you when you're too chicken to keep up over 120 mph.
4. People who leave anonymous comments on blogs. Are you too afraid for us to see yours?
5. People who can't find things out for themselves. Learn. I don't get paid to teach you.
6. Light beer.
7. Women with 5 inch curled fingernails. Do you REALLY think that's attractive? How do you wipe?
8. People that write checks in the express lane, and then wait until they're totaled up to even pull out their freaking checkbook.
9. People that split checks at lunch to the penny... and then they won't leave a tip.
10. People who dog Christians for being intolerant. And they lump us all in the same judgment, without trying to listen. Isn't that kind of intolerant and judgmental?
11. Stupid people, morons, and idiots. Those that think their side is the only side.
12. Rude retail people.
13. Bad manners.
14. People who curse in public.
15. People who follow every sentence with, "KnowwhatI'msayin'?" Yes, I know what you're saying, you moron... you're saying, "I'm stupid."
16. People who don't turn their cell phones down in public places, especially at a funeral. Are you really that freaking important? You can't leave your phone on vibrate or in your car for a few minutes to respect he sanctity of a funeral? HMMMMMMMMMM???
17. Kids who don't respect their parents.
18. Bad coffee.
19. People who enjoy their freedom enough to openly complain and criticize everything they hate about America. Move.
20. Liberals whining about the same stuff. You lost, get over it.
21. People who think I want to hear their bass. Inside my house. At night, as they drive down my street. Slowly. Would you like to hear my shotgun?
22. Someone who wants to argue with me after they asked me for professional advice. If you're so smart, go get your own securities license, and don't ask me for advice.
That's just some things I had to get off my chest. And no, I don't feel any better.

Random thoughts

I'll agree, the dog picture is disturbing. I'm thinking of taking it down. I laugh every time I see it, but maybe that's because I am totally warped and my sense of humor is perverted. It's not a real dog, or even a real image. Does "Photoshop" say anything to you?

I think every woman I have shown that dog to has had the same reaction... (Gasp), "Oh, that's horrible..." or some derivative of that. I guess the eyes are pretty creepy. Maybe that's why I like it.

**************************************************************************************
I heard from an old Coast Guard buddy this morning. He raised an interesting question. We had such close friendships back then with so many people. As we have gotten older the number of close relationships has dwindled to just a few here and there. Even last night, I was talking to my wife:
Linda: We don't have any friends... no one ever comes over.
Me: I know, we suck, don't we?
Linda: Well, Ray came over today, I guess he's a friend. And Lori is beginning to visit regularly. Maybe we'll get to know each other better.
Me: I guess we don't suck that bad.
Not to mention the house full of people we had Sunday that devoured a 10 lb. brisket, 1/2 gallon of potato salad, beans, sausage, 2 salads, an entire cheesecake, foccacia bread, a gallon of tea, and a whole industrial decanter of coffee... maybe we do have friends.

*************************************************************************************
I came in to work early this morning because I had a 9:00 telephone appointment. The person never called me. They made such a fuss over needing to talk to me and get their investment going... it is a 401(k) from the previous employer. I like hearing "401(k)" and "rollover" because it usually means someone is moving one of their biggest assets, which results in a substantial sale, and consequently, a good commission. I found out in the initial interview that this was $500. At my HIGHEST commission tier, I would make $10 on that sale. Don't get me wrong; $500 of a person's retirement, especially if that's all they have, is just as important as a $500,000 retirement. I treat everyone with the same respect, and I work just as hard for a $500 sale as a $500,000 sale. It just seems like the $500 folks don't keep their commitments like the $500,000 people do.... generally speaking, of course.

*************************************************************************************
I came in dressed in a pressed white dress shirt and a tie. I rarely wear a tie anymore. The clients that come in to my office are primarily military, not the pretentious bigshots I used to have call me at my last firm. Most of my clients are pretty down-to-earth, and some have managed to accumulate some significant wealth over their careers. Lots of people talk about the low pay that soldier get, but it comes down to a few principles I have learned and taught over the years: discipline yourself to spend less than you make, save a portion of your income, and invest another portion. In the end, it's not about how much you make, it's really about how much you keep. I had a prospect once who made $400,000 annually, lived in a $1MM home, had 6 cars, a $600 a month water bill to keep his lawn green and his pool full, and he didn't have a nickel saved. In fact, he was paying out $500-600 a month in overdraft fees to his bank. Contrast that with the couple I had making $30,000 annually and had managed to save $50,000. Big difference.
Anyway, the reason I wore a tie today is because I have to go to another funeral this afternoon. The lady who lived across the street from us died Saturday. I didn't really know her very well, as we have only lived there for a little over a year, but we were always on friendly terms and would talk when we were out in the front yard. I'm going to make it a point to get to know my neighbors better.

Memed again - Useless information

This one from elisabeth, who thinks I have nothing better to do.

60 things you didn't want to know...
What time did you get up this morning? Slept in until 6:30 - I'm usually up by 5:30
Diamonds or pearls? Diamonds. In gold...
What was the last film you saw at a Cinema? See this
What is your favorite TV show? 24...America needs Jack Bauer
What did you have for breakfast this morning? Barbacoa ...look it up...corn tortillas, some extremely hot picante, apple juice and a pot of black coffee. Breakfast of Champions
Biggest Fear? My ability to sabatoge myself
What is your middle name? The
What is your favorite cuisine? Italian
What foods do you dislike? Pickled beets...ewwwww
Your favorite potato chip? I prefer tortilla chips
What kind of car do you drive? Mercedes Benz, I'll never drive anything else
What is your favorite CD at the moment? the one paying me 5.5%....huh?...oh, I thought you meant Certificate of Deposit
Favorite sandwich? A carne guisada taco
What characteristics do you despise? an ego bigger than my own, someone who lies to me, and moronism
Favorite item of clothing? My hawiian shirt
If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? Back to the Marshall Islands, scuba diving
What color is your bathroom? hell if I know
Favorite clothing store? Salvation Army - I once bought a wool overcoat there for $6
Where would you like to retire to? Guadalajara half the year, and South Padre Island the other half
Favorite time of day? Very early, before anyone gets up
Where were you born? I was created in a lab
Favorite sport? To play...golf. To watch...golf.
What laundry detergent do you use? Only my dry cleaner knows for sure
Coke or Pepsi? Shiner Bock
Are you a morning or a night owl? definitely morning
What size shoe do you wear? 9.5
Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with us? elisabeth's fish is Pregnant!!!
What did you want to be when you were little? bigger.. and wealthy
Favorite candy bar? Butterfinger
What is your best childhood memory? When I sold enough Christmas cards to afford a brand new purple "Royce Union" 10-speed. I worked my ass off for it.
What are the different jobs you have had in your life? Circus midget, pope, taxi-driver, bus-driver, UPS driver, sod-layer, shoe salesman, pizza delivery, lawn boy, pool boy, towel boy, shoe shine boy, boy toy, optician, stockbroker, cracker salter, elephant pooper-scooper
Nicknames? Pauly the Bull...say it with respect
Piercing? My voice and my eyes
Eye color? bloodshot
Ever been to Africa? Once, when I was Pope
Ever been toilet papering? It was my career in high school. I mentored dozens in the art. Once my friends and I went "papering" after Christmas, taking discarded Christmas trees from people's curbs. We took posthole diggers and "planted" the trees in someone's yard and THEN papered them...and erected a sign that said, "Welcome to a Winter Wonderland." It was a work of art.
Love someone so much it made you cry? My wife makes me cry all the time...for a variety of reasons.
Been in a car accident? Too many....but never in a Benz
Croutons or bacon bits? neither...give me steak
Favorite restaurant? Pignetti's in Temple. The grilled salmon on creamed spinach is to die for.
Favorite flower? Calla lily
Favorite ice cream? Rum Raisin
Disney or Warner Brothers? Warner....Animaniacs....
Favorite fast food restaurant? Mama Wong's Chicken hut
How many times did you fail your driver's test? I have never failed any test
Before this one, from whom did you get your last e-mail? President Bush (shhhhh)
Which store would you max out your credit card at? Any electronics store
What do you do when you're bored? Memes
Bedtime? Somewhere between 10:30 and 12:00
Who did you go to dinner with last? My wife
What are you listening to right now? The voices in my head
What is your favorite color? The sky in the morning
Lake, Ocean or river? Ocean

From "You Can't Be A Christian," by

"From the Morning"
Don't you hate it when people scoff at the idea that 'so and so' is a 'born-again Christian.' "What a hypocrite" they (the very people who reject Christianity) proclaim, "He has done so many bad things."

Its ironic, if not hypocritical, that many people who reject Christianity on 'moral' grounds are eager to judge others as being unworthy of Christianity."

read the rest of the story here

I've witnessed (and been a part of) the same type of hypocrisy in the church. We "forgiven" need to remember who we are...forgiven. I can speak of this first hand, since I have been guilty of this...judging someone who has sin in their life and condemning them, even shutting them out. The worst of the worst hypocrisy is among church members. Brother Lustalot falls and all of a sudden we are quick to blame and cast him out of the church, rather than having compassion and reaching out to restore the man.

Or Sister Bucketmouth, who can never find a good thing to say at the church annual meeting, is shunned, condemned and gossiped about, rather than trying to get to the root of her bitterness and restoring her. I can cite a dozen examples, but this is a limited format...

We need to remember where we came from. God saved us while we were still sinners. Every time I feel like a brother or sister has offended me, or is in sin, I need to remember grace... I'm not perfect and God still forgives me. If He can forgive me, then He can forgive that man or woman we can be so quick to judge. We tend to want grace for ourselves, but judgment for others. There's a double standard sometimes, and God hates it.

Remember the parable of the man whose debt was forgiven, yet he refused to forgive one who owed him less than he was forgiven for... He was "given over to the tormentors."

Just a thought...

Brethren, if a man is overtaken in any trespass, you who are spiritual restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness, considering yourself lest you also be tempted. Galations 6:1

Haloscan and prior comments

I added Haloscan for my comments and it wiped out all my prior comments. Some of them were good and had links to other blogs... Sorry, I lost them. If you'd like to add your comments to link to your blog again, please do. Thanks...
Pauly the Bull

It's time for a new church

Since Miss June died, we now have to make a decision about church. I have had the desire to begin a church here in Temple, but I'm not quite sure what we are going to do, or how to go about it. I'm not a pastor at heart, that's not really one of my ministry gifts, but I like to teach and I feel comfortable preaching. Actually, I feel most comfortable when I am facilitating a discussion.
I don't have all the answers, and I don't want to be the center of the church meeting. I believe that when a group of believers meets it is for the encouragement of the entire group. It's not just about gathering in pews to hear a professional minister deliver a riveting sermon (or often, a boring one.) I think that people should bring their ministry gifts to the meeting with them with the intent of using them. So in our services, if someone can sing, I let them sing. If someone has another or better idea about what I am teaching, I let them share. And if someone has the gift of prophecy, they can prophesy.
So, if you pray, I'm asking the Lord for some direction here... I think there are a bunch of people that are virtually "untouched" by Christianity. I mean the type of Christianity that doesn't care what side of town you live on, what you wear to church, or if you have piercings, tattoos, or like to drink beer. Hell, I'm open to having a keg and fire up the smoker after church if I can just show Christ's love to someone who needs it. Ever hear a bunch of people singing Amazing Grace after a few beers?
I don't know what exactly we're going to do. I guess that's what's so great about serving God and waiting for Him to answer.... Life's always a surprise.

Miss June

I went to the funeral of a friend of mine today. Last fall my pastor told me about a little old lady who was in a wheelchair and homebound. He said she wanted someone to come to her house and have church with her. He asked me if I would be willing to do that and I told him,"No." That was my first thought and reaction, but as God would have it, before long my wife and I started making the 20 minute trip to Harker Heights to minister to "Miss June."
I remember for a few times we met, it was just Linda, me, and Miss June. Once I had to go by myself because Linda had another church she was speaking in and just one other person showed up. Thanks, Kim for being faithful in hearing God's call that morning.
The last meeting we had at Miss June's there were about 20 people there. She had a way of drawing people, speaking to them and challenging all of us. Even though she could barely speak and she was hard to understand, when she spoke, every word was worth hearing. She spoke once about geodes. She talked about her and her husband being "rock hounds" and how they would look for these beautiful geode crystals. She told us how it took incredible pressure to create them. She encouraged us to embrace the pressures of life, that they would eventually create beauty in us if we would just persevere.
Miss June didn't talk much, as it was very hard for her to speak. I can't think of a single time she spoke that she didn't have something deep or prophetic to speak to us. She told me not long ago that I was being too hard on myself. (I can get kindof transparent in church sometimes.) She spoke simply, "God loves you," to me. Wow. That's all I needed to hear that day....church over...
I painted a small painting for her that she put on the mantle of her fireplace, next to some priceless pieces of jade sculpture. (She had lots of one-of-a-kind sculptures from the east in her home.) I painted her a Mother's Day card and she put it up there as well. She liked my artwork and that was inspiration for me to paint more. Why? This lady was an artist too....trained by a renowned Texas artist, John Carter. She was no slouch...
She sang opera. She was on the Board of Regents at Central Texas College. She was a realtor...not just any realtor, mind you, she put possibly hundreds of real estate agents to work with the 2 offices she had in Killeen and Copperas Cove. She was one of the pioneers for businesswomen in central Texas. She was a mentor to many, a friend, and a giver. As much as she accomplished, as much as she did, she was humble, kind, and my friend. And she loved God. She considered me her pastor, and told my pastor, "I have a spiritual life again." That meant a lot for me to hear that. Miss June will be missed, but not for long. I know I'll see her again.

Yes, It Really Is Possible, and Worth the Wait

Linda and I went to a very unusual wedding last night. It was held outdoors, in the country. Not so unusual, but lately we've had a string of 100+ degree days and yesterday was no exception. I got there expecting to sweat for 2 hours, but surprisingly, it was cool under the shade of some large oak trees. Also, the house was on top of a hill, and there was a nice breeze. Tables were set up and decorated all over the yard, and the outdoor "church" was set up in the back. The decorators had taken a lot of time, obviously, to swag the purple tooling along the cedar-post fence, and even the cattle gate was decorated. The grass was neatly mowed, and a layer of flower petals lay in the aisle. White Christmas lights were strung all along the fence and in the oaks. It was a very nice setting.
The kids were having a great time running around as kids will do outdoors. The bridal party came up to the front in the usual manner, as did the bride and her brother, who gave her away. (Her father is deceased.) The vows were said in a traditional manner, and the officiant, their pastor, gave a traditional explanation of the significance of the rings, and told a brief anecdote about the couple. Not too unusual so far...
But here's what was unusual, even extraordinary about this wedding. During the presentation of the rings, the preacher took a few minutes to talk about the couples years of courtship and engagement. Turns out they met at church, their entire courtship was spent in that church and the pastor knew them quite well. He went on to say that both of them had remained sexually pure, saving themselves for each other as husband and wife. WOW. Take a minute to let that sink in. The bride then presented her husband with a ring she received at age 13, when she pledged sexual purity until marriage. WOW. Take another minute...
The groom is 25, and the bride is 20. In this society where so many young people think it is an intrinsic right to have sex with whomever they want, there are still some who decide to wait until marriage. That's cool. I gained a new respect for our youth, and also for the pastors, teachers, youth leaders, and others who encourage young people to wait until marriage. It can be done. Last night confirmed it for me.
I wrote about sex in an earlier post. I was dismayed at someone's blog that was extremely harsh in its criticism of Christians' view on sex. So many people, especially young people, don't get it. We are bombarded through the media, sex-ed programs, and entertainers on a perverted view of sexuality. It's not any one group's fault, our society has just been conditioned that way. There are reasons Christians stand for purity and discourage sex outside of marriage. I can only hope what I witnessed last night was an encouragement to the young people that attended. And I can hope that the "Worth the Wait" and abstinence programs continue to influence many more young people to remain sexually pure. I hope what I witnessed will become the norm, and not just the exception.

A Word From Proverbs

I was doing my daily reading this morning, and I ran across a verse I don't think I have ever seen before. As I pondered this verse, I wondered what it actually means.

A man's stomach shall be satisfied from the fruit of his mouth;
From the produce of his lips he shall be filled.
Proverbs 18:20

To me it has two meanings; one is practical and has to do with one's business, and the other is spiritual and relates to one's ministry. On the practical side (and this is what I related to first), I think it refers to one's ability to communicate ideas and concepts, and convincing someone to do business with us. Matthew 12:34 says, "For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. " In order to be able to proficiently communicate to my clients, I need to be constantly sowing understanding and knowledge into myself, believing in my heart that I am giving good advice, and incorporating that belief in my presentation. Because I believe I need to give the best advice (after all, I am dealing with people's investment portfolios), I am constantly reading and studying the markets, investment concepts and tax laws. The "fruit of my mouth", and the "produce of my lips" (my words) are what I have first planted in my heart and mind. The consequence of my sowing (you can't have fruit without first planting the seed) is a well-prepared and planned presentation of an idea or concept to help my client meet his or her objective. It is the sum of my experience, understanding, and preparation. The end result is gaining someone's confidence in the presentation of my idea to implement the plan, and become a client. Hence, I get paid, I can buy groceries, and my stomach is filled.
Spiritually, the same principal applies. As I study God's word, I am able to deliver understanding and revelation through a well-prepared sermon. Presenting a biblical idea, concept or understanding is an awesome responsibility. I must seek God for truth, because in the delivery of that understanding of truth, I am affecting people's lives, hopefully in a positive way, and helping them understand a concept to have a closer walk with the Lord. The end result, then, is satisfaction in a healthy body of believers to meet with, and being filled with the joy of another getting closer in his or her walk with the Lord.

If I was to use that privilege to twist God's Word to manipulate and deceive people, or to build my own kingdom or ministry, then I am ultimately held accountable to a Holy God. I shudder to think that on my judgment day, I will be accountable for every sermon I preached, every concept I taught, or every time I used the bible to admonish or rebuke a brother. Yikes... I know a lot of people use their knowledge of the scripture to support their own agenda. I pray that never be the case with me.

Does anyone else have any view on this passage of scripture? I wonder if my interpretation is really what this verse is conveying. How about it? Any comments?

Yes, I Changed it Again

I changed the look of my site again, but I am not satisfied with what blogger has to offer for templates. I'd like some help in giving my blog a new look. I have some photography and artwork I'd like to use as a background or banner heading, but I am not technically proficient enough to do that. I understand how to cut and paste HTML, and how to find the location of my images, but that's about as far as it goes. Can someone out there help me get a new look I'll be happy with? I'll reciprocate with some good investment advice...

There's a Reason I Don't Go to Movies

Here are the Friday-Sunday (and Friday-Monday) for the top 10 films, based on final studio figures released Tuesday and compiled by Exhibitor Relations:

1. War of the Worlds, $64.9 million ($77.1 million)
2. Batman Begins, $15.6 million ($19.3 million)
3. Mr. and Mrs. Smith, $10.6 million ($12.7 million)
4. Bewitched, $9.2 million ($11.1 million)
5. Herbie: Fully Loaded, $8.8 million ($10.8 million)
6. Madagascar, $5.4 million ($6.7 million)
7. Rebound, $5 million ($6 million)
8. Star Wars: Episode III--Revenge of the Sith, $4.1 million ($5 million)
9. The Longest Yard, $3.3 million ($4 million)
10. The Land of the Dead, $2.7 million ($3.3 million)

We've heard Hollywood complaining about a slowdown in movie ticket sales. Some quick math of the above figures totals $156,000,000 FOR THE FREAKING WEEKEND!!! Not a bad take, and I'm sorry the Hollywood fatcats may not be able to buy the extra 120 lbs. of caviar and may have to scale the party down to $750,000 this week. Sheesh.
Just looking at the top 10 movies, there's nothing there I really want to see... 7 out of the 10 are either remakes or spinoffs /sequels/ part of another story from another movie. I think if Hollywood wants people like me to start going to the movies again, they need to change a few things. Here's some ideas:
1. Make a movie that is ORIGINAL and has a decent story, maybe even some good acting from someone believable. Some serious drama, not just shooting and explosions... I mean, really, can a hot chick like Angelina Jolie really control firearms like that anyway? And who gets shot at that many times and not hit for 2 hours? And who really has that much drama in a lifetime anyway? Hmmmmmm?????
2. Let actors do what they are best at: pretending acting. Put in their contract that if they want to be idiots in the political arena, they should do what the rest of the idiots do: run for office and get elected. Keep their mouths shut or make them pay for political advertising. No one really cares what they think. I don't need to hear a high school dropout, pretty-boy, elitist, moron telling me what to think.
3. If they are going to show remakes and crappy movies, then charge less for the ticket. I mean, really, is that garbage really worth $8-10 to see? Last movie I actually went to a theater to view, there was only about 7 people in there anyway. Maybe if it didn't cost so much, there would be more attending. I would rather have 100 people in a theater that paid me $3 or $4 for a ticket than a dozen who paid $8. (Maybe they need to hire someone to do the math.)
4. What about the price of POPCORN? You are charging me $7.50 for about 25 cents worth of kernels and 5 cents worth of oil. I know you have to pay the midnight-basketball reject young man selling it to me, but I'll bet you'd sell a lot more popcorn if you only charged $2 or $3 for a large bucket and maybe $1 for a soda. Or let us bring our own.
5. Don't allow anyone under 5 to attend a movie intended for an audience of people who can actually read and write. I don't want to hear your kids crying, or you telling them to keep quiet.
6. Don't allow cell phones in the theater, or block the reception. Who the hell is that freaking important that you have to take a call in the middle of a movie? Back before there were cell phones, these inconsiderate morons people got along just fine for a couple of hours without them.
7. Clean the damn theater in between movies. I keep my place of business clean for my clients, and I would expect them to not do business with me if my floor was sticky from spilled soda and had trash all over. What do you pay those pimply-faced kids ushers standing outside for anyway?
8. Make movies I can enjoy with my family. Most of the language and sex in a movie is for effect anyway. I've seen movies on television without all the foul language and gratuitous sex and got the point of the movie just fine. It's not really necessary. Not everybody really talks that way, or think it's a right to fornicate or commit adultery.

Hollywood doesn't get it, they're out of touch with the ordinary people that pay their salaries. I mean, when it comes down to it, they are working for us, right?

Happy Birthday, America

I salute the men and women, past and present, who have served this great nation through its armed forces, government offices, and elected offices. I say, "Happy Birthday, America!" and honor our founding fathers.
The United States of America is indeed the greatest nation on Earth. We may be split down party lines most of the time. There's red states and blue states, but together, we're Americans. Let us never forget we are one nation, under God.
Take time today to thank God for our freedoms, our prosperity, and our rights to pursue whatever we want. My father always told me, "This is America. You can be whoever or whatever you want. If you want to be the President of the United States, you can be. Nothing except yourself and your beliefs will keep you from your dreams. Don't stop dreaming...and dream big." That's what America is all about.
I'm proud to be an American. Not a Mexican-American, a Hispanic-American, or a latino. I am an American, born on U.S. soil; the son, grandson, and great-grandson of U.S. servicemen. I also proudly served my country as a young man.
Don't let the press talk you into believing we are a divided nation. Attack our soil and you will see a nation unite and stand up to fight faster than you can blow yourself up. We may not all agree with each other politically, doctrinally, or spiritually, but if you attack our sacred grounds, it will not be forgotten. We WILL kick your ass. Then we'll rebuild your country with U.S. contractors. So what? We're not perfect, but we are...The GREATEST NATION ON GOD'S EARTH.

Sex

I need to say something, in response to a blog I read. I am a Christian, a conservative, and a member of “the religious right. I have been married for 22 years, and I DON'’T spend energy trying to "“make sure women don'’t have sex." As a Christian, I believe that sex was created by God, and given to us for the fulfillment of a man and a woman in a marriage relationship.
I believe that outside of marriage, sex is risky. Wearing a condom might NOT prevent an STD, and it most certainly will not protect a person emotionally and spiritually.
Consider this (secular) opinion from the CDC website: (http://www.cdc.gov/std/Herpes/STDFact-Herpes.htm)

"The surest way to avoid transmission of sexually transmitted diseases, including genital herpes, is to abstain from sexual contact, or to be in a long-term mutually monogamous relationship with a partner who has been tested and is known to be uninfected.

Genital ulcer diseases can occur in both male and female genital areas that are covered or protected by a latex condom, as well as in areas that are not covered. Correct and consistent use of latex condoms can reduce (not eliminate* my emphasis*) the risk of genital herpes only when the infected area or site of potential exposure is protected. Since a condom may not cover all infected areas, even correct and consistent use of latex condoms cannot guarantee protection from genital herpes.

Persons with herpes should abstain from sexual activity with uninfected partners when lesions or other symptoms of herpes are present. It is important to know that even if a person does not have any symptoms he or she can still infect sex partners. Sex partners of infected persons should be advised that they may become infected. Sex partners can seek testing to determine if they are infected with HSV. A positive HSV-2 blood test most likely indicates a genital herpes infection."”

From my own Christian perspective, sex outside of marriage is harmfull spiritually. Paul wrote to the Corinthians regarding sex outside of marriage. He said that fornication (sex outside of marriage) is a sin against one'’s own body. I don'’t want to get all self-righteous here, but please, hear me out. I write as someone who has been on both sides of this issue, and I speak also from experience.
My sexual relationships before marriage were unfruitful, unfulfilling, and led to dead ends, heartache, and fear. I'’m speaking personally, and I am not judging anyone, or speaking with condemnation. I am speaking for myself here.… I love sex. I'’m glad God created it, and I believe (as do many of my Christian friends) that sex is enjoyable. My greatest pleasure has been in an intimate, whole relationship with my wife. So as far as sex only being for procreation..….NOT... God intended for my wife and I to enjoy each other physically, spiritually, emotionally, and sexually.
I think any sane, rational person will agree with this: abstinence WILL prevent STDs and unwanted pregnancies. So to counter the claim that condoms are "“the best and only defense against these diseases for the sexually active at this point,"” I must say that there is another more effective defense, and that is abstinence, albeit, not a popular choice for some. But it is 100% effective.
I think some people's view on Christians and Religious Conservatives is narrow and intolerant, precisely the evil they blame us for. Again, I am not trying to be judgmental, I'’m merely pointing out that even a liberal can be narrow minded, and not as "“liberal" in thought as one might want to believe they are. Maybe they'’ve never had this discussion with a rational Christian, and for that, I'’ll apologize for those that make us all look like idiots.
I have an adult daughter that I had hoped would not be sexually active before she got married. I grieved for her when her first child was lost to a miscarriage. I loved her when she came to me again, still single and told me she was pregnant again. I supported her decision to marry the sorry bastard him, and then I took her in when her sperm-donor husband left her alone and penniless to face single-parenthood. For the last 3 years, I have helped support her and her baby, who was concieved even though they used condoms to "“prevent"” her conception. Thank God she chose not to abort. I now have Isabella, the joy of my life, to sit on my lap and make me laugh.
Life has not been easy for my daughter who chose not to heed my teaching, admonition, and advice, but we have made the best of it. Come to think of it, my life as a Christian husband has not been easy because of the relationships I had before marriage. I brought that baggage into my marriage and it was a battle to get to a point of emotional and spiritual intimacy with my wife.
I know all this is a lot to squeeze into a limited forum, or to ask you to totally agree with me. I'm not asking that, I am asking only that you consider that not all Christian conservatives are as narrow as some percieve us to be. I have a reason for believing the things I believe. I respect another's decision to live without condemning their decisions. I can only ask for their respect in return.

Warning, Will Smith, Warning! Greenzap is a Scam!

How can anyone afford to give away free money? Especially in the amounts they are claiming... I'm pretty sure this is a scam, and I hope I can keep a few people from falling for it. They even ask for sensitive information like your bank account, SS number, etc. So I would CAUTION you not to enter sensitive data into Greenzap's website. Here is a link for scam information, Here's another
and another, and another...Seems like if it LOOKS like a duck, SMELLS like a duck, QUACKS like a duck and WALKS like a duck... it's probably...a DUCK!

The Pit

I made a visit to "the Pit" last night, but it was short-lived. I realized I no longer take the "death spiral" down to the pit. I've carved myself a neat little staircase so I can ease my way into it. The good thing about it is, that I can also walk myself out when I get tired of being there. I take this trip of self-condemnation every time I visit. I finally realized I didn't need to be there and went back to bed. This morning I read this:
Psalm 139 7-16, 23-24
Where can I go from Your Spirit?
Or where can I flee from Your presence?
If I ascend into heaven, You are there;
If I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there.
If I take the wings of the morning,
And dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
Even there Your hand shall lead me,
And Your right hand shall hold me.
If I say, "Surely the darkness shall fall on me,"
Even the night shall be light about me;
Indeed, the darkness shall not hide from You,
But the night shines as the day;
The darkness and the light are both alike to You.
For You formed my inward parts;
You covered me in my mother's womb.
I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Marvelous are Your works,
And that my soul knows very well.
My frame was not hidden from You,
When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.
Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed.
And in Your book they all were written...

Search me, O God, and know my heart;
Try me, and know my anxieties;
And see if there is any wicked way in me,
And lead me in the way everlasting.

God knew me from the womb. He made me; I am His creation, the works of his hands. What do I need to fear, and why do I need to have anxieties?

Dr. Cruise, PhD, MD, DUMB

Tom Cruise criticized NBC "Today" show host Matt Lauer on Friday when Lauer mentioned Cruise's earlier criticism of Brooke Shields for taking anti-depressants. Cruise told Lauer he didn't know what he was talking about. "You don't know the history of psychiatry. I do," Cruise said.
The interview became more heated when Lauer, who said he knew people who had been helped by the attention-deficit disorder drug Ritalin, asked Cruise about the effects of the drug.
"Matt, Matt, you don't even you're glib," Cruise responded. "You don't even know what Ritalin is. If you start talking about chemical imbalance, you have to evaluate and read the research papers on how they came up with these theories, Matt, OK. That's what I've done." (Really? What are your credentials?)
Well, I've seen a lot about Cruise's interview on some other blogs. What disturbs me about this is the fact that people give clowns like this credence. Who the hell CARES what Tom Cruise thinks about anti-depressants and psychiatry? And what the hell makes him an authority on the subject anyway? I read the script, and pompous Cruise comes off sounding like he's got a PhD or something. This guy doesn't even have a high school education!!! He dropped out of high school in his senior year. So why do we even listen to him?
Tom: get an education. Stick to what you know best....acting. But quit acting like you actually know something. You have no credibility with me.

When is Jesus Going to Appear to ME? I make tortillas all the time too...

The Virgin Mary on a tortilla...on a grilled cheese sandwich...Jesus on a piece of toast, and NOW THIS!
Mold Jesus...

What kills me is that someone actually bought this piece of crap. I think it looks more like John Lennon, personally.
I'm hoping my next batch of tortillas yields Elvis & Jesus on the same tortilla....now that's gonna SELL!

Yeah, I love you...I really do. You're mine, baby.
Posted by Hello

Who is your God?

thordora asked:
"Why do you believe? What do you believe exactly? What was the moment when you "faced/met/found" your God(s)? How does it sustain you today? What does your heaven look like?"
"I'm trying to answer some rather vague and intangible questions about faith that I have had lately, questions I can't quite form yet. I find the question of faith incredibly interesting-half of me would like to get a degree in Theology to understand all this, which to me, is a slipperier slope than most other questions..."

I answered: (I revised my answer a bit in here, adding to it, not deleting anything)
I will simply answer your questions without a lot of background except to say that I was at one time agnostic. I believe that Jesus Christ was born of a virgin, is God incarnate (he is fully God and fully man, and was God in the flesh during his 33 years here), and that His life was fulfilled through His crucifixion and death on a cross. I believe He is risen from death and the purpose of His life, death, and resurrection was to reconcile me (make right, balance, reconnect) to God through the forgiveness of my sins. That's a lot to swallow, and impossible to understand or believe, or even grasp outside of a spiritual mindset.

Why do I believe? Because it gives me hope and strength. It is not something I can rationalize because it's totally irrational. The mysteries of God can only be revealed to us by His Spirit, according to scripture. But I do know this...that since March 3, 1985, in a church service in Texas, I have been on a long spiritual journey and allowing God, through Jesus Christ and His Spirit, guide me, lead me and direct me.

Honestly, I've still done stupid things. I still make mistakes. My life is not perfect, nor will I try to convince anyone that the forgiveness and redemption I have experienced will make their life perfect in any way. If anything, my life has been challenged, sometimes to my limits of pain, but I have peace. Pure peace, and it's not anything like what I had before I met Christ.

I write a lot about my struggles in my blog. I hate the way most Christians act. Phoniness is phoniness, even when it's veiled with a spiritual tone. Sometimes I cuss. I lust after things that have no profit to me at all. I have doubts and fears. I drink beer and wine. I am completely human and have issues. Sometimes I completely sabotage myself. In spite of all that, God's love through His Son Jesus, gives me grace, forgiveness, and peace.

I can debate rationally and sanely, as I have a well-above-average intelligence. Don't argue the bible with me because I know it better than most do, but that alone doesn't make me a Christian or spiritual. I knew the bible long before I met Jesus. I'm also opinionated, and I'm willing to entertain your ideas and thoughts without being condescending or calling you names, but I won't argue with you if you're an idiot. I'll simply shut up, and let you prove it to everyone around you. The fear of hell did not bring me to God, and I won't threaten you with eternal damnation to come to Christ. You don't need fire insurance, you need a Father who loves you. I came to God because He loves me. Simple. He loves me, and He loves you too.

God's unconditional love and His gentle hand are what comfort me. That's what sustains me. I don't go to a traditional church, although I was in one for 6 years after my initial "encounter" (Christainese= "got saved"). I have been part of a home church since 1991. I have no idea what heaven looks like. The book of Revelations gives a glimpse, but frankly, the descriptions are too abstract for me, and I really don't see its relevance in my daily walk. Not that I don't care, it just doesn't motivate me to walk out my faith.

Please don't pursue a degree in Theology. It'll just screw your head up. I was in the seminary when I was in college and that's what drove me away from God for 10 years. Believing and trusting God doesn't require a degree or an education. It does, though, require a humble and open heart.

www.rightwingnews.com

I ran across an interesting blog for all my right-wing, SUV-loving, Dittohead, anti-union, richest 1%, get-rich-on-the-little-guy, Bush-hugging, war-loving friends. I picked this from their site.
Posted by Hello

From the Morning

"His parents divorced when he was in the third grade. Mom and dad couldn't get along anymore, so they just split, on many levels. Mom stayed, dad left, and insanity ensued.

He didn't know who did what wrong or what the details were, only that his world had been turned upside down. At any rate, the details didn't matter, only the consequences, paid by an innocent bystander.

It was a horrific time for this frightened young boy, made even worse when he realized that there would be no men in his life."

Read the rest of this story in From the Morning

There are so many men that have been affected on so many levels by a culture of divorce. I remember one of my best friends in high school whose parents divorced. He had to move after his sophomore year, but thank God, we have kept in touch all these years. Divorce back then was still something rare, and I know there was a lot of shame and confusion he faced in the years to come. We both met the Lord about the same time, and we have shared the love of brothers all these years.
My heart breaks for boys whose parents give up, and for men who have remained emotionally stuck as wounded boys in their adulthood. I know there is hope. God provides everything we need for healing and restoration, but men need to be led to Him, and nurtured and encouraged by other men.
Linda and I have been "at the edge" of divorce before. We have entertained the thought through a couple of very rough times in our marriage. We have decided, though, that divorce is not the answer, and it has its own set of new problems. Our marriage has been strengthened by the resolve to push through our selfishness and get to the root of our mess before we give up. We have had to rely on God's grace to get us through, because we know his Word tells us, "My grace is sufficient for you."
Getting to the root is painful. Each person has to give up their rights and put away their selfishness to take a hard look at themselves. It involves a level of humility that can be, well..humiliating, even to shame. Our guilt has to be dealt with carefully so as not to allow shame to overtake us.
Healing comes eventually, if we take care of the wounds. If we just cover up the wound and not deal with it, we become numb to the pain, but the wound is still there. The next time something happens, it's like picking a scab of an infected wound, and all the infection comes out. Until emotional wounds are dealt with, they never quite heal.
I got on a bunny trail, sorry... The story from "From the Morning" made me think about how glad I am for my daughter, our two boys, and our two grandkids that we have decided to work on our "stuff" and stay together. I am thankful for grace.

Interesting Observation

I remember Mother's Day in the blogosphere...so many bloggers posting things about their mom. Other than my own, I didn't see any Dad blogs. Even a Google search of "Father's Day Blog" didn't turn up anything. Wierd. It makes me wonder if anyone else had a close relationship with their dad, or if dads in general are just taken for granted.
We need men like my dad for the young kids of today. We need men who are not afraid to form strong bonds and relationships with their kids so that they are remembered later on. I'm so thankful that I had that example and I can only hope that I am making a similar impact on the lives of those around me, especially our kids and grandkids. Will someone write about me someday? Will my life be worth remembering? I hope so.

Update: 6/21/05 I found one! http://weeklyscheiss.blogspot.com/2005_06_01_weeklyscheiss_archive.html
AND another...thanks, Jimmy www.beinggods.blogspot.com

Happy Father's Day, Dad

These things I remember about my dad:
He taught me how to enjoy life with a good sense of humor
He had the best corny jokes
He was not afraid to be sensitive
He challenged me without pushing me
He was proud of me
He encouraged me to work hard and enjoy the rewards
He let me try new things and mess up on my own, but then he showed me how to get back on track without doing it for me
He taught me not to take things at face value, but to look things up myself if I wanted to know for sure
He took an interest in my schoolwork
He showed me how to use a slide rule (I'm providing a link because someone - a 20-something - I was talking to didn't know what a slide rule was)
He taught me how to reason and had a better way to solve math problems than the way the book was trying to show me
He could do complex calculations in his head
He was at all the band functions and always told me he had a good time
He loved my mom
He loved to bring her flowers
He helped me learn all my knots in Boy Scouts
He showed me how to set up a tent
He showed me how to start a good fire
He took us camping every summer
He cooked a mean brisket
He told each one of us that we were his favorite son/daughter (and he meant it)
He was more concerned about his impact than an impression
He cared about his profession and taught hundreds of men and women professional courses
He took life seriously but he could joke about anything
He had an opinion about everything
He let you know his opinions
He was the only one alive that could beat me in Scrabble (hahaha, Margie, you never will!!!)
He did the hardest crossword puzzles in ink
He taught me it was OK to be smarter than my teachers (well, I WAS)
He always dressed better than anyone else in the room
He had the coolest ties
He wore black silk pajamas after his surgery
He never let on that he was sick
He fought to the end
He died with a smile

I loved my dad, and I miss him deeply. He was my mentor and my friend, and I will always have his impression on my life. He didn't always do everything right (he would argue with me on that) but he did everything the best way he could.
I've recently learned some things about myself because of the close relationship I had with him. I wish he was still here, because there's so much I would still like to ask him. The problem is, I took so much for granted when he was here. Even though I knew for at least 6 months that his condition would lead to his death, I didn't spend near enough time with him to ask everything I needed to. Some things went to the grave with him, and I'll have to figure them out myself.
Happy Father's Day, Dad... I miss you.

Time for Relationships and Community

I have been meeting with a couple of other men, both of whom are looked up to in the church community, but who are also struggling with the weight of sin just like I am. What I have come to find out is that I am indeed quite normal, I am not crazy, and I am not the only one who struggles with sin. I am not the only one who does stupid things. I am not alone. I am thankful for the transparency and non-judgmental openness of these 2 men, who have been willing to encourage me and pray for me.
What I see in these men is that we all struggle with something (whether or not we are individually willing to admit it.) None of us has reached "holiness" or has "Christ likeness" perfected. The book of Romans tells us that "all have sinned," yet there are so many of us that walk around not admitting we are one of the "all."
On the outside we appear "spiritual" and "a good Christian," but on the inside we are dying. As leaders, we are afraid to be open, transparent and vulnerable. TRUTHFUL...that's the word. We are afraid of what others might think, how our ministry might be affected, or that we might cause someone to fall. Wouldn't it be easier if we just told the truth about our spiritual condition, admitted we are sinful, prideful and rotten to the core? Isn't that what the church is for? If we could just come to church with words of encouragement, ready to pray for each other, to "bear each other's burden," not judging, just using our spiritual gifts to "edify the body," wouldn't that be a nice church to come to?
I am angry that church has become a place we come to with our "Sunday smiles," Christian clichés and attitudes. I hate it when I ask someone, "How are you today?" and the response is, "Blessed, brother." HOLD IT!!! Should I ask your WIFE to tell me how you're REALLY doing? Are all your bills paid, is your marriage strong, is your house in good order??? Are you tithing, do you have any "secret sin," are you truly "walking in the Spirit?" Just wondering....because I am hurting, and I don't feel very "blessed," thank you very much. When someone asks me how I am doing, I feel like responding with, "Do you care? Because if you do, let me tell you my struggles." What if I just told you, "I've got a lot of sin in my life I am struggling with. My wife and I have been at the brink of divorce, where the hell were you during the week when I really needed you?"
If church is supposed to be about community and relationships, we are falling short, WAY short, by trying to maintain those relationships in 2 or 3 hours a week on Sunday. There are 168 hours in a week, of which I am sleeping approximately 56 of those hours. So the other 112 hours I have time for relationship building, and those hours are not being spent building relationships with my church family. No wonder we struggle. We have plenty of free time for sin to abound.
The first guy and I started meeting once a week for an hour, just to talk and encourage each other. We committed to being truthful with each other about some rather hard questions we ask each other. We committed to reading the bible daily and hold each other accountable for our bible reading, prayer time and what we devote ourselves to. Well, a second guy joined us, thank God, and once a week was not enough. We have been meeting daily to keep ourselves accountable. We commit to walking out this life as Christians just for 24 hours at a time. What a difference this has made in my walk.
So now I only have about 105 hours a week to entertain sin. Actually, I only have 23 hours a day, since I meet with these 2 guys for an hour a day, less 8 hours for sleep, so give or take, I only have about 15 hours a day to get into trouble. Since I have to work at least 8 hours, that leaves only 7, and that's time I am at home and accountable to Linda. All of a sudden my "trouble time" is getting limited. If I spend an hour reading the bible and praying, now I only have 6 hours to find trouble.
I think maybe I need to find something constructive to do with the spare 42 hours a week I have... I wonder what Linda might suggest?

Maybe I Should Have Said Victim?

I believe in freedom of speech, even stupid speech said out of anger, hurt, or ignorance. My friend, Gregger, who sent me the link to the last post, pointed something out to me that I needed to consider. He said, "I do believe guys like him have been wounded deeply in some way. By a father, authority figure or whatever." You're right, Gregger, even if he is a moron, he probably has a reason for his hatred.
I would agree that there is probably some deep wounds in his past that makes him want such negative attention. It's hard to imagine why someone who enjoys his freedom to say such hurtful things would be angry at those who protect that freedom for him. Usually people like that have anger toward people in their past who have abused them in some way. I hate to judge on looks, but after watching the interview, he reminds me of the kind of person I would have bullied or picked at in school. He reminds of someone I would have liked to hit, trip, or push down the stairs. Not that I spent my time doing that, but I and my friends could be pretty brutal if we had the right victim. I'm not proud of that, and even apologized to someone at my 25th high school reunion for making such an ass of myself in high school.
Back to Michael. He needs prayer. He needs love. He needs a good ass kicking friend to encourage him. I still contend that being a victim is no excuse for stupidity and hatred.

Michael Crook = Michael Moore?

Michael Crook is a moron. Here is a clip of Sean Hannity kicking his ass on FOX. I wonder how idiots like this can rationalize their "freedom of speech" and attack those that protect their freedom to say stupid things that they do. The US Armed Forces may not be the best career choice for everyone, but those who choose to serve choose an honorable and respectful profession. Maybe he doesn't agree with war, military as a career, or what soldiers do, but his "right" to speak out is misdirected. His website, www.forsakethetroops.info, has been taken down. Maybe he figured out he was stupid after all...
I am honored to work with soldiers every day. While not all of them may be of the highest intelligence, and a few have some major issues, they are nevertheless serving their country, and do so willingly. I have the highest regard for those who choose to serve the USA in the military service.
Thanks, Gregger, for sending this to me.

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I've Fallen and I Can't Get Up

What ticks me of as I re-read yesterday's post is the fact that I, indeed, have been in this place before. It seems to happen every few years, and the cycle continues to perpetuate. Each time, it seems that a little more of me is taken away, and the feeling of despair increases. I'm no newbie to the feeling of hopelessness. Usually it is 100% my fault.
I hate to be so hard on myself, and when I try to talk to those close to me, the reactions are interesting. I wonder how people can't see what I see about myself. My sense of humor and joking keeps most people from knowing the serious side of me, but even those that are closest to me think I am pretty balanced and think I am being too hard on myself.
I have always put up a good front. I have the gift of teaching, and am a relatively good speaker/preacher. I am smart enough to put together a convincing argument for whatever point I am trying to make. No one sees my heart though, and deep inside I know what I am really like.... or what I can be like.
Because of this, I have battled with shame and a low self-esteem. Sometimes I think God doesn't love me, or that I am too far out there for grace. I know that isn't true, but the reality of the feelings and thoughts are still there. I hate it. So I struggle, and with that struggle sometimes comes self-destructive and uncharacteristic behavior. That only causes more guilt and shame, and the death-spiral continues. Before I know it, I am hating myself and everything I am. It's a stretch to imagine that God sent His Son to die for my sins, that He loves me, and forgives me. I find it hard to believe that God has any grace for me at all, and I doubt my salvation.
How can I continue to do the things I do and call myself a Christian? How can I operate as an effective preacher/teacher when my heart is so desperately wicked? The meaning of grace and its effect on my life escapes me. All I want to do is go somewhere that no one knows me and start all over, then run to the next place when it happens again.
I want to be forgiven, I want grace, and I want a fresh start. I want absolution for my sins. I want to be told I am OK, and I am really NOT crazy. I want to know what I face is normal, and that there is hope for healing. I want to know my whole life won't always be this way. I want to know that when I reach the end of my life, I won't look back and think, "Is that all there was?"
And I want to know when that time comes, and my friends and family come to mourn, I will have made a positive impact, beyond what they have seen on the surface. Is this rooted in my lust for acceptance? Do I put too much emphasis on what others think instead of what God says about me? Have I just never accepted the fact that God really does love me and His grace DOES extend to me? And if that's the case, how do I get there? How do I get that into my heart, where I can truly believe that?
Is anyone out there? Can someone give me some insight, please?

The Pain of Growth and Being Reshaped

A while back I started praying, ""Lord, be relentless with me! Please don't give up on me until I'm thoroughly purged from all things that defile or that grieve your Holy Spirit. And don't give in for my crying." Well, God heard me. And the sh** hit the fan. I've had some major trials in the last few weeks. Things from my past have surfaced I thought were long hidden away and would never come up. Things that have hindered my walk for years are becoming a reality, and for the first time in 47 years, I have been forced to make some incredibly painful decisions. I can't run any more. I can't hide, and I have nothing within my control to be able to buy my way out. I'm empty and wholly relying on God's grace.
My walk has been tested to the outer limits. The pain at times has been so bad, I thought I could not live another second. Yet, God, and His grace, have seen me through. Fire is hot. It burns and is painful as it purifies the soul.
Facing my sinful state is just the beginning of this walk. Next I am going to have to allow God to begin the process of healing wounds, setting broken and dislocated joints, and bringing me to completeness. I am scared. I am in agony. I want to run, but there is nowhere to go, and no one to go to. I feel so completely alone, but there is an assurance that I am not alone. There is a hope of completion, a glimpse of a whole person before me.
My feelings, although real and at times excruciating, are secondary to the knowledge that I am in the hands of the Father, being molded and shaped, only to face the kiln again. I am determined to complete the process and come through on the other side, a work of the Master Potter's hand, a vessel worthy of honor and desire.
I have made a decision to stay... to NOT quit... to bear through the trials. I can only pray for God's assurance and peace.