Thursday, June 30, 2005


I need to say something, in response to a blog I read. I am a Christian, a conservative, and a member of “the religious right. I have been married for 22 years, and I DON'’T spend energy trying to "“make sure women don'’t have sex." As a Christian, I believe that sex was created by God, and given to us for the fulfillment of a man and a woman in a marriage relationship.
I believe that outside of marriage, sex is risky. Wearing a condom might NOT prevent an STD, and it most certainly will not protect a person emotionally and spiritually.
Consider this (secular) opinion from the CDC website: (

"The surest way to avoid transmission of sexually transmitted diseases, including genital herpes, is to abstain from sexual contact, or to be in a long-term mutually monogamous relationship with a partner who has been tested and is known to be uninfected.

Genital ulcer diseases can occur in both male and female genital areas that are covered or protected by a latex condom, as well as in areas that are not covered. Correct and consistent use of latex condoms can reduce (not eliminate* my emphasis*) the risk of genital herpes only when the infected area or site of potential exposure is protected. Since a condom may not cover all infected areas, even correct and consistent use of latex condoms cannot guarantee protection from genital herpes.

Persons with herpes should abstain from sexual activity with uninfected partners when lesions or other symptoms of herpes are present. It is important to know that even if a person does not have any symptoms he or she can still infect sex partners. Sex partners of infected persons should be advised that they may become infected. Sex partners can seek testing to determine if they are infected with HSV. A positive HSV-2 blood test most likely indicates a genital herpes infection."”

From my own Christian perspective, sex outside of marriage is harmfull spiritually. Paul wrote to the Corinthians regarding sex outside of marriage. He said that fornication (sex outside of marriage) is a sin against one'’s own body. I don'’t want to get all self-righteous here, but please, hear me out. I write as someone who has been on both sides of this issue, and I speak also from experience.
My sexual relationships before marriage were unfruitful, unfulfilling, and led to dead ends, heartache, and fear. I'’m speaking personally, and I am not judging anyone, or speaking with condemnation. I am speaking for myself here.… I love sex. I'’m glad God created it, and I believe (as do many of my Christian friends) that sex is enjoyable. My greatest pleasure has been in an intimate, whole relationship with my wife. So as far as sex only being for procreation..….NOT... God intended for my wife and I to enjoy each other physically, spiritually, emotionally, and sexually.
I think any sane, rational person will agree with this: abstinence WILL prevent STDs and unwanted pregnancies. So to counter the claim that condoms are "“the best and only defense against these diseases for the sexually active at this point,"” I must say that there is another more effective defense, and that is abstinence, albeit, not a popular choice for some. But it is 100% effective.
I think some people's view on Christians and Religious Conservatives is narrow and intolerant, precisely the evil they blame us for. Again, I am not trying to be judgmental, I'’m merely pointing out that even a liberal can be narrow minded, and not as "“liberal" in thought as one might want to believe they are. Maybe they'’ve never had this discussion with a rational Christian, and for that, I'’ll apologize for those that make us all look like idiots.
I have an adult daughter that I had hoped would not be sexually active before she got married. I grieved for her when her first child was lost to a miscarriage. I loved her when she came to me again, still single and told me she was pregnant again. I supported her decision to marry the sorry bastard him, and then I took her in when her sperm-donor husband left her alone and penniless to face single-parenthood. For the last 3 years, I have helped support her and her baby, who was concieved even though they used condoms to "“prevent"” her conception. Thank God she chose not to abort. I now have Isabella, the joy of my life, to sit on my lap and make me laugh.
Life has not been easy for my daughter who chose not to heed my teaching, admonition, and advice, but we have made the best of it. Come to think of it, my life as a Christian husband has not been easy because of the relationships I had before marriage. I brought that baggage into my marriage and it was a battle to get to a point of emotional and spiritual intimacy with my wife.
I know all this is a lot to squeeze into a limited forum, or to ask you to totally agree with me. I'm not asking that, I am asking only that you consider that not all Christian conservatives are as narrow as some percieve us to be. I have a reason for believing the things I believe. I respect another's decision to live without condemning their decisions. I can only ask for their respect in return.


ariadneK, Ph.D. said...

I am an extreme liberal who finds organized religion very distasteful...BUT: if you can overlook these aspects of myself, I must say that I love your post here. :-)

Pauly said...

And I am a right-leaning, but not too extreme Christian conservative who ALSO finds organized religion very distasteful. See??? We agree on some things. Thanks for your visit.

Lisa said...

It seems so much harder for kids nowadays because most are waiting until their late 20's or even thirties to get married. Highschool grads are going to college or work and then focusing on careers, even buying houses before getting married. That's an awful long time to wait before having sex! Should young adults focus on finding their soulmates earlier on? Someone who can help them obtain and share those other things later?

Pauly said...

My belief is, if one wait until marriage before having sex, there is a lot less pressure for that couple in the bedroom. Is it easy to wait? No...Impossible? no. I wish I had waited.
And what's so important about finding a "soulmate?" I was 25 when I got married. I didn't find a soulmate, I found a helpmate, a partner, and a lover. Marriage isn't about being in love all your life. We've never stopped loving each other, but at times, we've really disliked being married.
We have a solid marriage. Divorce is out of the question for both of us. Murder, though, has been a consideration. My point is, if you get married because you're "in love," God help you. The honeymoon doesn't last that long, and reality sucks sometimes.
Not to say we don't love each other... we do. And we constantly rely on God's grace because inevitably, one of us disappoints the other. SO what? We're committed, not only to each other, but to Christ, who helps us through.

Storm said...

I used to consider myself methodist, then non-denomenational Christian. Now, if someone asks me what "I am," I simply say "spiritual."

It's refreshing to hear someone that is Christian--and openly so--that is not willing to judge another. Unfortunatly, people fitting that discription aren't the ones that get heard (often). I really wish more of the out-spoken Christians were as kind as you while expressing their opinions.

<"3 )~ said...

Thank you for this post. I'm here as your example.. it IS possible to wait. My fiance and I both prayed and remained virgins, knowing God would send us someone one day. We met eachother a little over 2 years ago (I'm 21, he's 23) and we're engaged to be married May 20, 2006. And guess what -- we're still virgins! We're waiting for our wedding night, and we're EXCITED to do so! I just wish more young adults realized that not "everyone" is doing it ;) Thanks for an awesome post!

<"3 )~ taranicole