Thursday, June 30, 2005

Sex

I need to say something, in response to a blog I read. I am a Christian, a conservative, and a member of “the religious right. I have been married for 22 years, and I DON'’T spend energy trying to "“make sure women don'’t have sex." As a Christian, I believe that sex was created by God, and given to us for the fulfillment of a man and a woman in a marriage relationship.
I believe that outside of marriage, sex is risky. Wearing a condom might NOT prevent an STD, and it most certainly will not protect a person emotionally and spiritually.
Consider this (secular) opinion from the CDC website: (http://www.cdc.gov/std/Herpes/STDFact-Herpes.htm)

"The surest way to avoid transmission of sexually transmitted diseases, including genital herpes, is to abstain from sexual contact, or to be in a long-term mutually monogamous relationship with a partner who has been tested and is known to be uninfected.

Genital ulcer diseases can occur in both male and female genital areas that are covered or protected by a latex condom, as well as in areas that are not covered. Correct and consistent use of latex condoms can reduce (not eliminate* my emphasis*) the risk of genital herpes only when the infected area or site of potential exposure is protected. Since a condom may not cover all infected areas, even correct and consistent use of latex condoms cannot guarantee protection from genital herpes.

Persons with herpes should abstain from sexual activity with uninfected partners when lesions or other symptoms of herpes are present. It is important to know that even if a person does not have any symptoms he or she can still infect sex partners. Sex partners of infected persons should be advised that they may become infected. Sex partners can seek testing to determine if they are infected with HSV. A positive HSV-2 blood test most likely indicates a genital herpes infection."”

From my own Christian perspective, sex outside of marriage is harmfull spiritually. Paul wrote to the Corinthians regarding sex outside of marriage. He said that fornication (sex outside of marriage) is a sin against one'’s own body. I don'’t want to get all self-righteous here, but please, hear me out. I write as someone who has been on both sides of this issue, and I speak also from experience.
My sexual relationships before marriage were unfruitful, unfulfilling, and led to dead ends, heartache, and fear. I'’m speaking personally, and I am not judging anyone, or speaking with condemnation. I am speaking for myself here.… I love sex. I'’m glad God created it, and I believe (as do many of my Christian friends) that sex is enjoyable. My greatest pleasure has been in an intimate, whole relationship with my wife. So as far as sex only being for procreation..….NOT... God intended for my wife and I to enjoy each other physically, spiritually, emotionally, and sexually.
I think any sane, rational person will agree with this: abstinence WILL prevent STDs and unwanted pregnancies. So to counter the claim that condoms are "“the best and only defense against these diseases for the sexually active at this point,"” I must say that there is another more effective defense, and that is abstinence, albeit, not a popular choice for some. But it is 100% effective.
I think some people's view on Christians and Religious Conservatives is narrow and intolerant, precisely the evil they blame us for. Again, I am not trying to be judgmental, I'’m merely pointing out that even a liberal can be narrow minded, and not as "“liberal" in thought as one might want to believe they are. Maybe they'’ve never had this discussion with a rational Christian, and for that, I'’ll apologize for those that make us all look like idiots.
I have an adult daughter that I had hoped would not be sexually active before she got married. I grieved for her when her first child was lost to a miscarriage. I loved her when she came to me again, still single and told me she was pregnant again. I supported her decision to marry the sorry bastard him, and then I took her in when her sperm-donor husband left her alone and penniless to face single-parenthood. For the last 3 years, I have helped support her and her baby, who was concieved even though they used condoms to "“prevent"” her conception. Thank God she chose not to abort. I now have Isabella, the joy of my life, to sit on my lap and make me laugh.
Life has not been easy for my daughter who chose not to heed my teaching, admonition, and advice, but we have made the best of it. Come to think of it, my life as a Christian husband has not been easy because of the relationships I had before marriage. I brought that baggage into my marriage and it was a battle to get to a point of emotional and spiritual intimacy with my wife.
I know all this is a lot to squeeze into a limited forum, or to ask you to totally agree with me. I'm not asking that, I am asking only that you consider that not all Christian conservatives are as narrow as some percieve us to be. I have a reason for believing the things I believe. I respect another's decision to live without condemning their decisions. I can only ask for their respect in return.

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Warning, Will Smith, Warning! Greenzap is a Scam!

How can anyone afford to give away free money? Especially in the amounts they are claiming... I'm pretty sure this is a scam, and I hope I can keep a few people from falling for it. They even ask for sensitive information like your bank account, SS number, etc. So I would CAUTION you not to enter sensitive data into Greenzap's website. Here is a link for scam information, Here's another
and another, and another...Seems like if it LOOKS like a duck, SMELLS like a duck, QUACKS like a duck and WALKS like a duck... it's probably...a DUCK!

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

The Pit

I made a visit to "the Pit" last night, but it was short-lived. I realized I no longer take the "death spiral" down to the pit. I've carved myself a neat little staircase so I can ease my way into it. The good thing about it is, that I can also walk myself out when I get tired of being there. I take this trip of self-condemnation every time I visit. I finally realized I didn't need to be there and went back to bed. This morning I read this:
Psalm 139 7-16, 23-24
Where can I go from Your Spirit?
Or where can I flee from Your presence?
If I ascend into heaven, You are there;
If I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there.
If I take the wings of the morning,
And dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
Even there Your hand shall lead me,
And Your right hand shall hold me.
If I say, "Surely the darkness shall fall on me,"
Even the night shall be light about me;
Indeed, the darkness shall not hide from You,
But the night shines as the day;
The darkness and the light are both alike to You.
For You formed my inward parts;
You covered me in my mother's womb.
I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Marvelous are Your works,
And that my soul knows very well.
My frame was not hidden from You,
When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.
Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed.
And in Your book they all were written...

Search me, O God, and know my heart;
Try me, and know my anxieties;
And see if there is any wicked way in me,
And lead me in the way everlasting.

God knew me from the womb. He made me; I am His creation, the works of his hands. What do I need to fear, and why do I need to have anxieties?

Monday, June 27, 2005

Dr. Cruise, PhD, MD, DUMB


Tom Cruise criticized NBC "Today" show host Matt Lauer on Friday when Lauer mentioned Cruise's earlier criticism of Brooke Shields for taking anti-depressants. Cruise told Lauer he didn't know what he was talking about. "You don't know the history of psychiatry. I do," Cruise said.
The interview became more heated when Lauer, who said he knew people who had been helped by the attention-deficit disorder drug Ritalin, asked Cruise about the effects of the drug.
"Matt, Matt, you don't even you're glib," Cruise responded. "You don't even know what Ritalin is. If you start talking about chemical imbalance, you have to evaluate and read the research papers on how they came up with these theories, Matt, OK. That's what I've done."
(Really? What are your credentials?)
Well, I've seen a lot about Cruise's interview on some other blogs. What disturbs me about this is the fact that people give clowns like this credence. Who the hell CARES what Tom Cruise thinks about anti-depressants and psychiatry? And what the hell makes him an authority on the subject anyway? I read the script, and pompous Cruise comes off sounding like he's got a PhD or something. This guy doesn't even have a high school education!!! He dropped out of high school in his senior year. So why do we even listen to him?
Tom: get an education. Stick to what you know best....acting. But quit acting like you actually know something. You have no credibility with me.

Saturday, June 25, 2005

When is Jesus Going to Appear to ME? I make tortillas all the time too...


The Virgin Mary on a tortilla...on a grilled cheese sandwich...Jesus on a piece of toast, and NOW THIS!
Mold Jesus...

What kills me is that someone actually bought this piece of crap. I think it looks more like John Lennon, personally.
I'm hoping my next batch of tortillas yields Elvis & Jesus on the same tortilla....now that's gonna SELL!

Tuesday, June 21, 2005


Yeah, I love you...I really do. You're mine, baby.
Posted by Hello

Who is your God?

"Why do you believe? What do you believe exactly? What was the moment when you "faced/met/found" your God(s)? How does it sustain you today? What does your heaven look like?"
"I'm trying to answer some rather vague and intangible questions about faith that I have had lately, questions I can't quite form yet. I find the question of faith incredibly interesting-half of me would like to get a degree in Theology to understand all this, which to me, is a slipperier slope than most other questions..."

I answered: (I revised my answer a bit in here, adding to it, not deleting anything)
I will simply answer your questions without a lot of background except to say that I was at one time agnostic. I believe that Jesus Christ was born of a virgin, is God incarnate (he is fully God and fully man, and was God in the flesh during his 33 years here), and that His life was fulfilled through His crucifixion and death on a cross. I believe He is risen from death and the purpose of His life, death, and resurrection was to reconcile me (make right, balance, reconnect) to God through the forgiveness of my sins. That's a lot to swallow, and impossible to understand or believe, or even grasp outside of a spiritual mindset.

Why do I believe? Because it gives me hope and strength. It is not something I can rationalize because it's totally irrational. The mysteries of God can only be revealed to us by His Spirit, according to scripture. But I do know this...that since March 3, 1985, in a church service in Texas, I have been on a long spiritual journey and allowing God, through Jesus Christ and His Spirit, guide me, lead me and direct me.

Honestly, I've still done stupid things. I still make mistakes. My life is not perfect, nor will I try to convince anyone that the forgiveness and redemption I have experienced will make their life perfect in any way. If anything, my life has been challenged, sometimes to my limits of pain, but I have peace. Pure peace, and it's not anything like what I had before I met Christ.

I write a lot about my struggles in my blog. I hate the way most Christians act. Phoniness is phoniness, even when it's veiled with a spiritual tone. Sometimes I cuss. I lust after things that have no profit to me at all. I have doubts and fears. I drink beer and wine. I am completely human and have issues. Sometimes I completely sabotage myself. In spite of all that, God's love through His Son Jesus, gives me grace, forgiveness, and peace.

I can debate rationally and sanely, as I have a well-above-average intelligence. Don't argue the bible with me because I know it better than most do, but that alone doesn't make me a Christian or spiritual. I knew the bible long before I met Jesus. I'm also opinionated, and I'm willing to entertain your ideas and thoughts without being condescending or calling you names, but I won't argue with you if you're an idiot. I'll simply shut up, and let you prove it to everyone around you. The fear of hell did not bring me to God, and I won't threaten you with eternal damnation to come to Christ. You don't need fire insurance, you need a Father who loves you. I came to God because He loves me. Simple. He loves me, and He loves you too.

God's unconditional love and His gentle hand are what comfort me. That's what sustains me. I don't go to a traditional church, although I was in one for 6 years after my initial "encounter" (Christainese= "got saved"). I have been part of a home church since 1991. I have no idea what heaven looks like. The book of Revelations gives a glimpse, but frankly, the descriptions are too abstract for me, and I really don't see its relevance in my daily walk. Not that I don't care, it just doesn't motivate me to walk out my faith.

Please don't pursue a degree in Theology. It'll just screw your head up. I was in the seminary when I was in college and that's what drove me away from God for 10 years. Believing and trusting God doesn't require a degree or an education. It does, though, require a humble and open heart.

www.rightwingnews.com


I ran across an interesting blog for all my right-wing, SUV-loving, Dittohead, anti-union, richest 1%, get-rich-on-the-little-guy, Bush-hugging, war-loving friends. I picked this from their site.
Posted by Hello

Monday, June 20, 2005

From the Morning

"His parents divorced when he was in the third grade. Mom and dad couldn't get along anymore, so they just split, on many levels. Mom stayed, dad left, and insanity ensued.

He didn't know who did what wrong or what the details were, only that his world had been turned upside down. At any rate, the details didn't matter, only the consequences, paid by an innocent bystander.

It was a horrific time for this frightened young boy, made even worse when he realized that there would be no men in his life."

Read the rest of this story in From the Morning

There are so many men that have been affected on so many levels by a culture of divorce. I remember one of my best friends in high school whose parents divorced. He had to move after his sophomore year, but thank God, we have kept in touch all these years. Divorce back then was still something rare, and I know there was a lot of shame and confusion he faced in the years to come. We both met the Lord about the same time, and we have shared the love of brothers all these years.
My heart breaks for boys whose parents give up, and for men who have remained emotionally stuck as wounded boys in their adulthood. I know there is hope. God provides everything we need for healing and restoration, but men need to be led to Him, and nurtured and encouraged by other men.
Linda and I have been "at the edge" of divorce before. We have entertained the thought through a couple of very rough times in our marriage. We have decided, though, that divorce is not the answer, and it has its own set of new problems. Our marriage has been strengthened by the resolve to push through our selfishness and get to the root of our mess before we give up. We have had to rely on God's grace to get us through, because we know his Word tells us, "My grace is sufficient for you."
Getting to the root is painful. Each person has to give up their rights and put away their selfishness to take a hard look at themselves. It involves a level of humility that can be, well..humiliating, even to shame. Our guilt has to be dealt with carefully so as not to allow shame to overtake us.
Healing comes eventually, if we take care of the wounds. If we just cover up the wound and not deal with it, we become numb to the pain, but the wound is still there. The next time something happens, it's like picking a scab of an infected wound, and all the infection comes out. Until emotional wounds are dealt with, they never quite heal.
I got on a bunny trail, sorry... The story from "From the Morning" made me think about how glad I am for my daughter, our two boys, and our two grandkids that we have decided to work on our "stuff" and stay together. I am thankful for grace.

Sunday, June 19, 2005

Interesting Observation

I remember Mother's Day in the blogosphere...so many bloggers posting things about their mom. Other than my own, I didn't see any Dad blogs. Even a Google search of "Father's Day Blog" didn't turn up anything. Wierd. It makes me wonder if anyone else had a close relationship with their dad, or if dads in general are just taken for granted.
We need men like my dad for the young kids of today. We need men who are not afraid to form strong bonds and relationships with their kids so that they are remembered later on. I'm so thankful that I had that example and I can only hope that I am making a similar impact on the lives of those around me, especially our kids and grandkids. Will someone write about me someday? Will my life be worth remembering? I hope so.

Update: 6/21/05 I found one! http://weeklyscheiss.blogspot.com/2005_06_01_weeklyscheiss_archive.html
AND another...thanks, Jimmy www.beinggods.blogspot.com

Happy Father's Day, Dad

These things I remember about my dad:
He taught me how to enjoy life with a good sense of humor
He had the best corny jokes
He was not afraid to be sensitive
He challenged me without pushing me
He was proud of me
He encouraged me to work hard and enjoy the rewards
He let me try new things and mess up on my own, but then he showed me how to get back on track without doing it for me
He taught me not to take things at face value, but to look things up myself if I wanted to know for sure
He took an interest in my schoolwork
He showed me how to use a slide rule (I'm providing a link because someone - a 20-something - I was talking to didn't know what a slide rule was)
He taught me how to reason and had a better way to solve math problems than the way the book was trying to show me
He could do complex calculations in his head
He was at all the band functions and always told me he had a good time
He loved my mom
He loved to bring her flowers
He helped me learn all my knots in Boy Scouts
He showed me how to set up a tent
He showed me how to start a good fire
He took us camping every summer
He cooked a mean brisket
He told each one of us that we were his favorite son/daughter (and he meant it)
He was more concerned about his impact than an impression
He cared about his profession and taught hundreds of men and women professional courses
He took life seriously but he could joke about anything
He had an opinion about everything
He let you know his opinions
He was the only one alive that could beat me in Scrabble (hahaha, Margie, you never will!!!)
He did the hardest crossword puzzles in ink
He taught me it was OK to be smarter than my teachers (well, I WAS)
He always dressed better than anyone else in the room
He had the coolest ties
He wore black silk pajamas after his surgery
He never let on that he was sick
He fought to the end
He died with a smile

I loved my dad, and I miss him deeply. He was my mentor and my friend, and I will always have his impression on my life. He didn't always do everything right (he would argue with me on that) but he did everything the best way he could.
I've recently learned some things about myself because of the close relationship I had with him. I wish he was still here, because there's so much I would still like to ask him. The problem is, I took so much for granted when he was here. Even though I knew for at least 6 months that his condition would lead to his death, I didn't spend near enough time with him to ask everything I needed to. Some things went to the grave with him, and I'll have to figure them out myself.
Happy Father's Day, Dad... I miss you.

Saturday, June 11, 2005

Time for Relationships and Community

I have been meeting with a couple of other men, both of whom are looked up to in the church community, but who are also struggling with the weight of sin just like I am. What I have come to find out is that I am indeed quite normal, I am not crazy, and I am not the only one who struggles with sin. I am not the only one who does stupid things. I am not alone. I am thankful for the transparency and non-judgmental openness of these 2 men, who have been willing to encourage me and pray for me.
What I see in these men is that we all struggle with something (whether or not we are individually willing to admit it.) None of us has reached "holiness" or has "Christ likeness" perfected. The book of Romans tells us that "all have sinned," yet there are so many of us that walk around not admitting we are one of the "all."
On the outside we appear "spiritual" and "a good Christian," but on the inside we are dying. As leaders, we are afraid to be open, transparent and vulnerable. TRUTHFUL...that's the word. We are afraid of what others might think, how our ministry might be affected, or that we might cause someone to fall. Wouldn't it be easier if we just told the truth about our spiritual condition, admitted we are sinful, prideful and rotten to the core? Isn't that what the church is for? If we could just come to church with words of encouragement, ready to pray for each other, to "bear each other's burden," not judging, just using our spiritual gifts to "edify the body," wouldn't that be a nice church to come to?
I am angry that church has become a place we come to with our "Sunday smiles," Christian clich├ęs and attitudes. I hate it when I ask someone, "How are you today?" and the response is, "Blessed, brother." HOLD IT!!! Should I ask your WIFE to tell me how you're REALLY doing? Are all your bills paid, is your marriage strong, is your house in good order??? Are you tithing, do you have any "secret sin," are you truly "walking in the Spirit?" Just wondering....because I am hurting, and I don't feel very "blessed," thank you very much. When someone asks me how I am doing, I feel like responding with, "Do you care? Because if you do, let me tell you my struggles." What if I just told you, "I've got a lot of sin in my life I am struggling with. My wife and I have been at the brink of divorce, where the hell were you during the week when I really needed you?"
If church is supposed to be about community and relationships, we are falling short, WAY short, by trying to maintain those relationships in 2 or 3 hours a week on Sunday. There are 168 hours in a week, of which I am sleeping approximately 56 of those hours. So the other 112 hours I have time for relationship building, and those hours are not being spent building relationships with my church family. No wonder we struggle. We have plenty of free time for sin to abound.
The first guy and I started meeting once a week for an hour, just to talk and encourage each other. We committed to being truthful with each other about some rather hard questions we ask each other. We committed to reading the bible daily and hold each other accountable for our bible reading, prayer time and what we devote ourselves to. Well, a second guy joined us, thank God, and once a week was not enough. We have been meeting daily to keep ourselves accountable. We commit to walking out this life as Christians just for 24 hours at a time. What a difference this has made in my walk.
So now I only have about 105 hours a week to entertain sin. Actually, I only have 23 hours a day, since I meet with these 2 guys for an hour a day, less 8 hours for sleep, so give or take, I only have about 15 hours a day to get into trouble. Since I have to work at least 8 hours, that leaves only 7, and that's time I am at home and accountable to Linda. All of a sudden my "trouble time" is getting limited. If I spend an hour reading the bible and praying, now I only have 6 hours to find trouble.
I think maybe I need to find something constructive to do with the spare 42 hours a week I have... I wonder what Linda might suggest?

Thursday, June 09, 2005

Maybe I Should Have Said Victim?

I believe in freedom of speech, even stupid speech said out of anger, hurt, or ignorance. My friend, Gregger, who sent me the link to the last post, pointed something out to me that I needed to consider. He said, "I do believe guys like him have been wounded deeply in some way. By a father, authority figure or whatever." You're right, Gregger, even if he is a moron, he probably has a reason for his hatred.
I would agree that there is probably some deep wounds in his past that makes him want such negative attention. It's hard to imagine why someone who enjoys his freedom to say such hurtful things would be angry at those who protect that freedom for him. Usually people like that have anger toward people in their past who have abused them in some way. I hate to judge on looks, but after watching the interview, he reminds me of the kind of person I would have bullied or picked at in school. He reminds of someone I would have liked to hit, trip, or push down the stairs. Not that I spent my time doing that, but I and my friends could be pretty brutal if we had the right victim. I'm not proud of that, and even apologized to someone at my 25th high school reunion for making such an ass of myself in high school.
Back to Michael. He needs prayer. He needs love. He needs a good ass kicking friend to encourage him. I still contend that being a victim is no excuse for stupidity and hatred.

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

Michael Crook = Michael Moore?

Michael Crook is a moron. Here is a clip of Sean Hannity kicking his ass on FOX. I wonder how idiots like this can rationalize their "freedom of speech" and attack those that protect their freedom to say stupid things that they do. The US Armed Forces may not be the best career choice for everyone, but those who choose to serve choose an honorable and respectful profession. Maybe he doesn't agree with war, military as a career, or what soldiers do, but his "right" to speak out is misdirected. His website, www.forsakethetroops.info, has been taken down. Maybe he figured out he was stupid after all...
I am honored to work with soldiers every day. While not all of them may be of the highest intelligence, and a few have some major issues, they are nevertheless serving their country, and do so willingly. I have the highest regard for those who choose to serve the USA in the military service.
Thanks, Gregger, for sending this to me.

Thursday, June 02, 2005


hello? *tap*tap*tap*

whhhhhhh, whhhhhhhhh.... test, test, blog test

uh, is this thing on?

*tap*tap*
Posted by Hello

I've Fallen and I Can't Get Up

What ticks me of as I re-read yesterday's post is the fact that I, indeed, have been in this place before. It seems to happen every few years, and the cycle continues to perpetuate. Each time, it seems that a little more of me is taken away, and the feeling of despair increases. I'm no newbie to the feeling of hopelessness. Usually it is 100% my fault.
I hate to be so hard on myself, and when I try to talk to those close to me, the reactions are interesting. I wonder how people can't see what I see about myself. My sense of humor and joking keeps most people from knowing the serious side of me, but even those that are closest to me think I am pretty balanced and think I am being too hard on myself.
I have always put up a good front. I have the gift of teaching, and am a relatively good speaker/preacher. I am smart enough to put together a convincing argument for whatever point I am trying to make. No one sees my heart though, and deep inside I know what I am really like.... or what I can be like.
Because of this, I have battled with shame and a low self-esteem. Sometimes I think God doesn't love me, or that I am too far out there for grace. I know that isn't true, but the reality of the feelings and thoughts are still there. I hate it. So I struggle, and with that struggle sometimes comes self-destructive and uncharacteristic behavior. That only causes more guilt and shame, and the death-spiral continues. Before I know it, I am hating myself and everything I am. It's a stretch to imagine that God sent His Son to die for my sins, that He loves me, and forgives me. I find it hard to believe that God has any grace for me at all, and I doubt my salvation.
How can I continue to do the things I do and call myself a Christian? How can I operate as an effective preacher/teacher when my heart is so desperately wicked? The meaning of grace and its effect on my life escapes me. All I want to do is go somewhere that no one knows me and start all over, then run to the next place when it happens again.
I want to be forgiven, I want grace, and I want a fresh start. I want absolution for my sins. I want to be told I am OK, and I am really NOT crazy. I want to know what I face is normal, and that there is hope for healing. I want to know my whole life won't always be this way. I want to know that when I reach the end of my life, I won't look back and think, "Is that all there was?"
And I want to know when that time comes, and my friends and family come to mourn, I will have made a positive impact, beyond what they have seen on the surface. Is this rooted in my lust for acceptance? Do I put too much emphasis on what others think instead of what God says about me? Have I just never accepted the fact that God really does love me and His grace DOES extend to me? And if that's the case, how do I get there? How do I get that into my heart, where I can truly believe that?
Is anyone out there? Can someone give me some insight, please?

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

The Pain of Growth and Being Reshaped

A while back I started praying, ""Lord, be relentless with me! Please don't give up on me until I'm thoroughly purged from all things that defile or that grieve your Holy Spirit. And don't give in for my crying." Well, God heard me. And the sh** hit the fan. I've had some major trials in the last few weeks. Things from my past have surfaced I thought were long hidden away and would never come up. Things that have hindered my walk for years are becoming a reality, and for the first time in 47 years, I have been forced to make some incredibly painful decisions. I can't run any more. I can't hide, and I have nothing within my control to be able to buy my way out. I'm empty and wholly relying on God's grace.
My walk has been tested to the outer limits. The pain at times has been so bad, I thought I could not live another second. Yet, God, and His grace, have seen me through. Fire is hot. It burns and is painful as it purifies the soul.
Facing my sinful state is just the beginning of this walk. Next I am going to have to allow God to begin the process of healing wounds, setting broken and dislocated joints, and bringing me to completeness. I am scared. I am in agony. I want to run, but there is nowhere to go, and no one to go to. I feel so completely alone, but there is an assurance that I am not alone. There is a hope of completion, a glimpse of a whole person before me.
My feelings, although real and at times excruciating, are secondary to the knowledge that I am in the hands of the Father, being molded and shaped, only to face the kiln again. I am determined to complete the process and come through on the other side, a work of the Master Potter's hand, a vessel worthy of honor and desire.
I have made a decision to stay... to NOT quit... to bear through the trials. I can only pray for God's assurance and peace.