Saturday, January 29, 2005

Marriage, longevity, commitment and I'm really to old for anything extra

Today is our 22nd wedding anniversary. We beat the odds. I can't say staying married has been easy. We could have called it quits a few times....or let the annoyances and irritations grow into something way out of control or "irreconcilable". But...truth is, we haven't and we didn't. We've chosen to deal with the issues, even when it was damn hard to.
My parents were married 48 years when Dad died. All 6 of us siblings are still married to our first spouse. We've really beat the odds. Statistically, 3 of us should be divorced at least once and another 1 or 2 of us divorced twice. Scary when you think about it. I don't talk to my brothers and sisters about each other's marital struggles. Although, I think I've been pretty open about mine.
When Linda and I were going through some difficult "healing", I was pretty transparent about what we were doing. The bottom line was, we were determined to make it and divorce was not an option. Thanks, Mom, for the example you and Dad set for us. I know their marriage was at time a struggle, but they stuck with it, even to the end.
My dad loved my mom. She was his true love. He did everything to make sure she knew it too. Even though sometimes I swear they sounded like Ray Barone's parents, it was evident they loved each other deeply. Mom put up with so much while Dad was dying.
I can only pray Linda and I have the same grace and courage when one of us is dying. I think we will. Linda has stuck with me through some pretty hairy crap. It's only by the grace of God I wasn't murdered.
As I get older, the temptations are still there, but they don't grab me like they used to. It takes too much effort to go there... and I don't have the energy, even if the temptation is still there. (One of the advantages of getting older, I guess.) I guess there's been so much in my past that has really cost too much. What one gets out of an affair is never worth what one puts into it. The satisfaction just isn't there. I am learning to be satisfied with what I have here...
It has taken so long to regain Linda's trust too. Some part of me knows that she will never really fully trust me. There's always the "what if it happens again" there. And I can never, ever say I was always faithful.
I'm thankful, though for grace and forgiveness, and for her willingness to keep moving forward. I am hoping for the rest of my life...married for life, with no possibility of parole.

1 comment:

Life is better blonde said...

i think it is awesome to hear that there are people out there who don't run away from hardship and can face the issues, deal with them and grow in love together! You are few and far between!