Friday, January 06, 2006

Wondering if I heard from God

I'm working in a field I love. I know I was born to do this. I have the potential to make more in one month than I ever used to make in a year. I think I am doing exactly what I was created to do, and fulfilling my call as a Christian and my purpose as a man.
So what's the problem??? For 2 years I have barely made it financially. I have been making less than 1/4 of what I was making in the same occupation just 2 years ago. Circumstances have changed and I had to move to another firm. The firm I am currently with underwent some major changes last year which cut into my abilty to market and deliver my product. Timing had everything to do with my current situation. I've been frustrated and discouraged and have wondered if I really heard God.
Yet something continues to drive me and hold on to the promise He gave me. I've had to let go of so many things, both financially and emotionally that I thought were so important before. I've had to learn patience, virtue, and kindness. I've had to forgive. I've had to be humble when I would have rather not have been.
Yes, discernment is difficult, considering the circumstances. I wish I could fix things myself, but, as a friend prayed for me today, I realize my job is not my source, God is. His timing is perfect, and He has always come through for me, despite my lame attempts at pushing Him.
I'm God's. Only His. He's my daddy, and knows what I need more than I do. I trust Him and none other.'s hard, and I doubt, but what else can I do but trust the One who created me, and who says He's never seen His seed begging for bread?
I am only a man and have limited sight. As Daniel did, I must learn to trust God to "reveal the secrets" to understanding his vision for me.

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