Welcome back, I think

I was going through some old posts from 2005. I used to write a lot. That was during a period of mourning and healing after my dad died. It's been 8 years now, and the sting is gone, and I cherish his memory in so many ways.
There are so many memories - the humor, the discussions, his obstinate expression at times, the arguments, the depth he had the last year of his life, especially after he found out his time was running out. He never stopped encouraging me, even when I thought he had no more. We had a complex relationship. One of the things he wanted me to do is start painting again. I wish he was here to see some of the work I've done this year.
I'm sick of Facebook, and will quit putting all my thoughts there. I have been thinking about shutting the whole Facebook page down, but I think instead I will create another page just for my art, and link it to an art blog. I think maybe BB&BS has run its course. Either way, I guess I need to figure out how to go.  For grins, here is a recent work.

Dog Paintings

I have begun to paint dogs. Some of the dogs don't like paint on them, so I have to be careful. Ha! Actually, I have taken on painting dog portraits with oil paint. If you would like your furry friend's portrait, let me know and we can work something out. This started with a painting of Mr. B, my old beagle, because he is 14 now, and will not be with me much longer. Then a friend of mine's beloved hound passed away from an illness. I did a portrait of her as well. Anyway, feel free to look at some of my art at www.fineartamerica.com, as well as others.
dog paintings
pet paintings

What did you give up for Lent?

I have to preface this with letting you know I grew up Catholic. The Lenten season was almost a mystery to me, and my understanding was that the symbolism of "giving up" something, or "fasting," was to represent Christ's suffering for us.
I read last week about a woman who gave up Facebook for lent. According to the article, "Melendes thinks she will learn something about herself by going without Facebook until Easter.

“Probably how much I use it, and how much I use it to stay connected to my friends and my family,” she said."
Really? That's deep...sarc>
"Melendes is not giving up all social media, however. She says she cannot stop using Twitter along with Facebook. “That would be impossible,” she said."

I've heard of lots of different "fasts" from people. "I gave up chocolate.....soda, candy, sweets, pastries, cigarettes, etc." And let's not forget to fast "meat" on Friday, although fish is OK because Jesus ate it.
I thought this morning about some meaningful things one might apply to this season. Here are some suggestions of what some of my Catholic (and others) friends might want to think about:

Give up Unforgiveness. The end of the Lenten season is Easter. The whole focus of Easter is Christ's final act - the death and resurrection for the redemption of our sins. Yes, He died so that we would be forgiven. "It is finished," He declared. Forgiven - for all our crap, past, present, and future. No questions, no wavering, no doubts. No holding a grudge against us until he makes sure we are sorry - no...."It is finished."

Give up Judgment of others. Try some compassion. I heard it said before that we want mercy for ourselves, but judgment for others. Ask what might be going on in that other person's life. Do you like being judged by someone who doesn't have all the facts? Compassion - it's a value that's missing from most of us. Quit thinking the worst first. Things aren't always as they appear, and more often, there is more to the story than we know. Consider the fact that people have issues just like you do. And God made us all different for a reason. He gave you gifts, and He gave others gifts too. We're all different, so embrace the diversity.

Give up Anger. Ok, it's alright to feel angry, but it's not alright to let that anger fester and destoy ourselves and others. Feelings are just feelings. Process the feeling, and come to a conclusion to let it go. Life is too short. Christ's love can walk us through the anger and into peace - His desire for us. Ask yourself what the real issue is, and then resolve it.

Give up Arrogance. You're not always right. It's not always your way, and it's not always about you. Just as there are an infinite number of personalities, there are infinite ways to do things and have a good conclusion. You might even learn something if you let it go and watch how someone else figures something out. Be an encourager, not a criticizer. Everyone wants love and acceptance.

Give up Criticism. Everybody is different. Even you. Your critical spirit is like poison - not only to you, but to others around you. Find something good about someone and focus on that.

Give up Ungratefulness. Appreciate what you have - even your job. If you really don't like your job, why are you there? Find things to enjoy and be grateful. We live in a country that has everything we need for us to be successful and happy, and we spend too much time looking at the things that we don't like instead. Try writing a list of 20 things you are thankful for. Do it again. Love what you have.

Give up Ugliness. You like respect, right? So do other people. There's no reason to be mean. Smile when someone else is being rude. It's their problem, don't make it yours too. Refuse to let others' demeanor determine yours. Practice being nice. Be kind.

Give up Impatience. Sometimes things slow us down so that we can take time to see something new, or learn another way, or maybe keep us from something harmful. Enjoy the journey. Slow down. You'll get a more harmonious outcome.

Give up Intolerance. Again, we're all different. Get over it. Love.

You have inside of you love, joy, peace, kindness, goodness, faithfulness tolerance, patience, and self-control.

Social Networking, Blogging, and random thoughts

I watched in fascination the other day CNBC's program, "The Facebook Obsession." I realized that I, too, have become complacent about sharing bits of personal and private information on a public forum. It didn't happen overnight; just like the proverbial frog in the pan of water, it happened a little at a time, never enough to make me uncomfortable, until all at once, I realized I was in boiling water. Unlike the stupid frog, however, I was smart enough to hop out of the pot before I got boiled to death.

It took me all of an hour to purge personal information from my profile of Facebook. i have my doubts, however that all of that information has just disappeared into the air somewhere. There is still a nagging suspicion that somewhere in the belly of the facebook beast, my information still resides, at the beck and call of some techno-geek, ready to retrieve for some government agent because I am no longer sharing my information with the matrix.Call me paranoid, but there is something really wrong about a private company that is worth billions, and run by a young, liberal idealist (who had one of his key employees help Chairman Zero get elected), with no accountability. and this company stores information on over half a billion people!
I really don't want for something to happen to me, and the news media report,"...and he had recently written ________on his facebook page..."  And what business it it really, for a company to know my demographics that I voluntarily posted, so they can profit by allowing their advertisers to target me specifically? Why, like with any other company, are we not allowed to opt out?
So I think for now, Facebook will keep my account, but I will choose carefully what to share with them, and I will limit my demographic information to the minimum, and not use "Like," "Check in.," or any applications. I mean, who among us would allow a complete stranger to come to our door and say, "OK, I'm going to move in with you so you can stay in contact with all your friends, share your private life, and I'm going to allow advertisers to contact you based on what I know about you.?"
I am limited to a certain number of characters to post my ramblings on Facebook anyway. I have more room in my blog, and it's still possible to post comments, share pictures, etc. It's been a while since I used this forum, anyway. I always liked it better, I can edit easier, and only those who choose to come here can see everything I write anyway.

Best Mens Retreat Ever

This past weekend I was privileged to spend time with 8 other spiritual men at a private ranch outside of Belton, TX. This weekend began about 6 months ago at one of our Rachel's Vineyard retreats. Realizing the retreat is more geared toward women: even when men attend, the level of depth the men are willing to take is not as deep as when there are just men. God began to move on my heart to organize a retreat for men only. I took it to mean another Rachel's Vineyard or post-abortion healing retreat, but every time I thought or prayed about it, the door would shut to that idea.
I continued to seek the Lord, but by New Year's I knew it would not be an abortion centered type of retreat. From the beginning, I knew this had to be a different type of men's retreat. I knew we didn't need another weekend where someone would tell us all the things we weren't doing right and what we needed to change.
I finally sat down to put some ideas on paper, and over a weekend developed the whole plan - from who to invite, the venue, a menu, budget, shopping list, prayer partners, and even an agenda. I continued to ask the Lord how I was going to get all of this together. I'm just one person, and I don't have all the answers. There were 3 key areas where I knew God wanted to work in us: 1) Who am I, where did I come from, and where is God taking me? 2) My relationships and 3) How do I stay accountable?
How was I going to teach all that???!!! I kept hearing in my spirit, "Relax. Give it to me, and I'll do the work." Well, that sounds nice and comforting, but any man can tell you that nothing goes according to plan unless you have a plan. So I continued to work on a plan, even though I wasn't having much success.
So before anyone arrived Friday night, I had written down some introductory comments to make regarding the ranch layout, the sleeping arrangements, food, chores, and of course, the schedule and agenda. Basically, I needed to let everyone know what to expect and what we were going to do. As I wrote the bullet-point "Schedule" on my pad, I felt the Holy Spirit tell me, "No schedule." When I wrote the word, "Agenda," again I heard, "No agenda." EXCUSE ME?!?! I was reminded God had said many times, "Let me do it." So I did.
I had just a few rules for discussion - no politics, no preaching, and no doctrinal discussions. After I had covered the bullet points with everyone, I had an icebreaker question. It was simple, and it was based on a conversation I had with a co-worker a few months back. Since we were all connected in some way (I've known one of the men there for over 25 years, and my son was there as well) I asked everyone to tell the group one thing about themselves that nobody there knew.
Wow.
It not only broke the ice, but it was like one of the icebreaker ships the Coast Guard uses to open a navigational waterway for ships to pass. Two hours later we had already gotten pretty deep. It was time to move the conversation outside, around the fire pit. What better way to get men talking and open? So one of the men appointed himself as Fire Minister, and we broke out cigars, the bourbon, and began the conversation again. We were up until 1:30 Friday night. And it was good.
I was wondering if everyone was talked out when I woke up Saturday morning. But when I came down to the main house, one of the men was cooking, and the conversation had already begun. I might mention again here, that the entire weekend, all we did was talk - and it didn't include sports, politics, or religious arguments - the things guys usually talk about. I did not tell everyone what I had planned to discuss - the Holy Spirit opened and led the discussion.
We had a couple of more guys arrive around noon Saturday, and we discussed "The 5 Pillars of Truth:"
1. God loves and accepts me
2. I have God's favor and blessing.
3. I have God's joy and peace
4. I live out of God's power and provision
5. I have God's guidance and wisdom.
We talked through the afternoon, through dinner and into the night. Again, we were up late into the night around the fire pit again. There were 3 of us that were out there until 2:30 am.
Sunday's discussion was exactly what I had planned to discuss, but again, it was not prompted by me - the Holy Spirit prompted a discussion on accountability around the breakfast table. Awesome.
So all of the 3 areas of discussion I had written down were discussed - without my prompting, and without me having to plan a teaching, or follow a study. The teacher was the Holy Spirit. We were his agenda, and it was on His schedule. I truly learned something God has been trying to teach me for 52 years - how to relax and allow Him to direct.
I'll upload some pictures in another post.

Life is a stress test

Well, I'm in my 50's now, and trips to the doctor lately have been frequent. Not because I am sick, but because they want to make sure I am NOT sick. In the last 3 months, I have had blood drawn no less than 5 times, I monitor my blood pressure daily, had my prostate exam, a poop test, urinalysis, an ABG (painful), EKG, electrocardiogram, saw a hematologist, and yesterday had my first stress test. And every test shows I have nothing wrong with me, other than I'm not 25 anymore. All my numbers are perfect, and other than having my blood pressure regulated by medication, I'm in great health for an old dude.
I was thinking of the stress test I took yesterday. It was a microcosm of life. Before the test, I was given some simple instructions: when the treadmill starts, get on and start walking. Keep pace - don't get ahead or behind. Tell the doctor if I feel dizzy, weak, or have chest pains. And if I have to stop, tell the doctor, and he will slow it down to a stop - don't try to just get off on my own.
When it started, it was a slow, almost-too-easy pace... appropriately, uphill. As time went on, gradually the speed and angle was increased. And each time it was increased, the doctor was there, asking how I was doing, letting me know what was about to happen, and making sure I was OK. He also let me know along the way that my heart was functioning fine, and the readings he was getting were normal for the activity level. The last part of the test was the hardest, and had me breathing hard, my heart rate was up, and I started to break a sweat. It was a little bit of a challenge, but he got me up to a speed that was necessary to get my heart rate to the level needed, for the time needed, and then gradually slowed it down to conclude the test. "Perfect," he said, "You're right where you should be, and you have a healthy heart. Looks good."
Do you ever think, through the stress of life, that God is right there with us? Just like the doctor, he gives us instruction (we have to be ready and listening first, though) before we begin, and along the way (if we're listening) he lets us know what is happening. He asks us if we're doing OK, and wants us to tell Him if we're not, or if we're dizzy, weak, or have pain. And if we do, he'll stop us before we wreck. All dependent on our communication, though - we have to stay in touch with Him or it won't work.
And then he takes us to the point of just enough exertion to get us panting,sweating, and breathing hard - but only as much as we can stand, and for only as long as we can stand it. When it's over, He's there to tell us, "Perfect, you're right where you should be, and you have a healthy heart. Looks good." He never fails us. He'll just give us another test until we pass.

First ride of the season

I have a confession. I love to eat. Too much. Last year when I was training for HH100, I was logging about 100 miles a week on my bike, and eating like a dingo. When I stopped training, I continued eating. I am now 12 lbs. heavier than I was when I did the HH100.
Tha good new is, the season has started again, and I have some rides to train for. The first road ride I'll do is March 28, the Salado Smokin' Spokes. I think I may start with a 50 miler, if I can log some miles by then.

Today I did 26 very slow miles with a couple of other 50ish guys. I was painfully slow, but they were out for the excersize, not a race. I like riding like that, even though they still pushed me some. So here I am after returning home:

And here's our ride:

The Chihuahua Farm

I see the weirdest things sometimes. I passed this the other day on a group ride, and didn't have my camera. I decided today since I was riding alone, I would stop and document this evil place.

4th of July Club Ride

There's nothing like getting up early on a holiday morning and heading out for a 7:00 a.m. ride with 30 or more other people. Then after the ride, having breakfast ready outside with a bunch of crazy riders who want to start the party early.

I had a blast - and got home in time for family time.

Here's our ride:

I must be freaking nuts

So here's what I do on my Sunday afternoons. Instead of staying inside, watching TV and drinking a beer, Pauly's out there in the 100 deg. heat, drinking GU2O and burning 1033 calories. We had a short ride today, only about 21 miles since no one wanted to go the extra 5 or six miles.
Actually, I love testing my body's endurance, and there's always a sense of accomplishment when I'm done. Here's my ride:

Relationships that last

A few weeks ago, I started getting emails from some classmates I hadn't seen in over 30 years. They came fast and furious, sometimes up to 30 or 40 emails in a couple of days. They centered around our high school band director, Charles Kuentz, who is having a school built and named after him in San Antonio, TX. A few of us decided to get together at Pico de Gallo's in San Antonio last Friday.

It's peculiar how these relationships have stayed connected through an interesting framework built long ago, and kept alive through not just memories and nostalgia, but through life-long, committed and on-purpose contact. I graphed this out the other day in a conversation with my coach, Bobby Williams. I'm going to try to outline it in writing.

Let me set the stage first. Greg (Greger) Wright has been a friend of mine since 7th grade. 40 years...There is no one else in this world, outside my family, with whom I have kept in contact with for so long. Greger is connected to Anna, Betty, Carol, Ronnie, Larry, and me. I connected with Cynthia, and each one of us is connected to a few others, but the "hub" is Greger.

So yesterday, I was engaged in a conversation with Bobby, and he asked me what my perception of coaching is. Having never been in organized sports, the only thing I could relate to is Mr Kuentz, my band director. He had a framework in which he provided:

• Resources - a place to practice and learn, music, uniforms, instruments, etc.


• Direction and boundaries - so that we could safely and effectively progress from one level to the next


• Mentors and leaders - more experienced peer relationships that helped us improve through technique and accountability


• Encouragement - not only to improve, but he was constantly drawing out the talent we already had within us


• Challenges - we had to compete for our position within our respective groups


• Focus - not only on our individual strengths, but also on working as a team


• Testing - we often had to audition individually in front of him


• Application - we had to perform as a team, and in harmony

Out of this framework flowed relationships, growth (both personal and corporate), revelation, and transformation.

So the question came up - is the church working this way? Usually, whenever spiritual meetings occur, the focus is centered on whoever is ministering at the time - the praise & worship team, the preacher, etc. - but, where is our focus to be if we want to truly experience growth, lasting relationships, revelation and transformation? Do we work on coaching and encouraging our brothers and sisters to grow, (and this can only come through relationship, not a program) or do we just come once a week to hear a message and then stumble through the rest of our week wondering why "the devil is attacking" us?

The focus has to be on each other, and flowing out of our relationship with the Father, a divine connection in a kingdom that provides us with resources, encouragement, and all things necessary for kingdom living. It's then promoted through people that are using those resources and bringing others along with them. We can't get this from a once a week "church" experience - whether it's in a traditional or a house setting. Relationships and growth have to flow from a healthy framework that encourages us to become the best in all areas of our lives, and then to multiply and reproduce.

So when the five of us old-timers, who hadn't seen each other in 33 years, met for lunch on Friday, it was like we had just left the band hall and went to the cafeteria - we picked up where we had left off 33 years ago. These lasting relationships flowed from a healthy framework that reproduced itself in our lives, families, and church. I can't wait to see where this goes from here.

I pooped out

I bravely started the Tour d' Temple with 168 other riders this morning, fully intending on riding the 100Km (62.5 miles) route. I averaged about 16.5 mph to the 2nd rest stop, about 21.5 miles out. I was feeling pretty good, not tired, confident in my exercise and nutrition this past week. The wind was from the south, about 12-16 mph, so I had an easy ride until then.


Mother Neff State Park was the site of the 2nd rest stop. It's the oldest state park in Texas, and has some beautiful old pecan and oak trees - some over 100 years old. It's one of my favorite scenic places in Texas, and has so much shade, it's always about 10 degrees cooler than anywhere else. It's also on the Leon River, which feeds into Lake Belton. With the rains last year, the entire park was underwater. It's recovered maybe about 65%. None of the buildings have reopened.






At Mother Neff - underneath some pecan trees.


















I took off from MNSP onto the 100k route.

Here's the road right outside of MNSP.


Up a nice climb, then turned onto Moody-Gatesville Parkway (Hwy 107) toward the east - and into the wind. Then south, back to MNSP - right into a wind so stiff, I had to pedal downhill. When I reached the park again, I realized I was the LAST person on the 100k loop. The rest behind me had already quit or turned at the 50 mile turnaround. I was still making decent time, about 15 mph average, so I was still OK. My legs were feeling a little tired, but I continued to fuel with e-water and oranges. the next part of the ride started going bad around 35 miles. Then it happened - I hit the wall at 40 miles. I figured if I just continued, I'd get my second wind, but it never happened. I had to dismount around 41 miles and take another break, then I was just looking for the next rest stop. I thought maybe I would recover, and at least go 50 miles, or even finish on the 50 mile route - which would have let me ride in with about 56 miles.... nope. When I got to the last rest stop, I felt spent. I knew my body was telling me to stop. And even though I know I could have maybe gone another 10-12 miles, it was against a headwind, and I decided to call in the SAG. Poop.
I think a combo of not riding much the past week, the wind, and going to bed late last night. I got beat by the wind, heat, and just exhaustion. So I rode in an air conditioned truck back to the start...44.6 miles, according to the Vetta.

So I came back home for a cold Dos Equis and some pizza.

My route:

Hands

In January I'll be married 25 years to my first wife.

Tonight, I held her hand and realized there's a possibility that that someday I might not be able to hold her hand or feel her soft skin next to mine.

I closed my eyes and felt her hand in mine so I could always remember how good it felt.

It felt good.

Elfing

http://www.elfyourself.com/?id=9625834974

Happy Thanksgiving

I have a lot to be thankful for
I am thankful for...
my family
my life
my relationships
my business
my church
God's grace
A warm, dry, comfortable house

I used to be poor and now I'm not
I used to worry and now I don't
I used to fret and now I laugh
I used to be sick and now I'm healthy
I lost my Dad to cancer, but I gained insight to my life and purpose
I made the best with what I had, and I learned to appreciate what I have instead of being mad about what I don't
I used to be closed, cynical, and shut off, but I've learned to love, accept, and like people
I used to be mean, but even little kids like me now
I used to hate, but I learned compassion
I used to think I was better than others, but I know myself well enough now to know I'm not
I'm thankful I learned I can't control what people think, do, or say - but I can control how I react
I'm glad I don't have to be perfect to be happy

A Thanksgiving poem

Eat well
Love your family
And if it's anything you pass
Make sure it's the gravy
And not the gas

Happy Thanksgiving!

Birthday Cards

I got some great birthday cards this year. Some of them funny, a couple of serious ones... I'm so thankful for those that either sent me a card or wrote me an email. Even the people at my office gave me a card, and decorated my office with pink and white streamers. Made me feel special.

But the greatest timing and most coveted card I got was...............................(and I have been waiting for this)......................

My AARP Membership Card!!!

They don't miss a beat... I guess I can finally say I've arrived. WOOOO HOOOO!!!

I can hardly wait to start asking for the discounts.